


The Omega in White

by GoddessofRoyalty



Series: Prompt Fics [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Captivity, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2018-08-16 12:36:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8102644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoddessofRoyalty/pseuds/GoddessofRoyalty
Summary: Original Prompt: Alpha!Hux sees Omega!Kylo Ren as his perfect partner. He keeps him hidden away in a secret room, on force-suppressants, so that neither Snoke nor the Resistance can take Ren away from him; while he plots to overthrow Snoke and become Emperor himself. Ren (who is infertile) tries to fight Hux at first, tries to escape but over the years his hope dies slowly. Then the FO captures alpha!Poe, and while trying to escape, he finds Ren.The prompt is now a prologue and the fic is what happens after.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Temporary title is maybe temporary. 
> 
> I know I said I would finish Captive Heat before starting something else but I was bribed with pretty artwork by Ren-Hime on tumblr (I was not bribed at all they are just an amazing person who draws me things that I do not deserve). I will get around to everything eventually just, be patient with me and my constantly shifting posting schedule. 
> 
> Also this started as an anon prompt (and the prologue was the reply to said anon prompt) but now it is a friendship-love-letter to Ren-hime because again, amazing person, draws me prettys, go check out their art right now (http://ren-hime.tumblr.com/tagged/my+art/)
> 
> Pairings: Hux/Ben; Han/Luke; Han/Leia; other than that ???? we will find out as we go 
> 
> Warnings: omegaverse, captivity, implied rape,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, if Finn reads as vaguely villainised in this part trust me he’s not staying that way. I’m trying to get across that he’s running scared and trying to put as small of a target on his back while escaping the First Order. I have the first chapter written (not edited) and so I can absolutely tell you his character quickly shifts (in what I hope is a believable way)
> 
> Also if you follow me on tumblr (Goddessofroyalty) you will probably get so many extra scenes/original versions of scenes as I write scattered parts to Ren-hime before turning them into a story here. Also the ability to send me prompts / talk to me about things.

He isn’t entirely sure why he ends up there. He’d like to think it was the Force leading him to where he needed to go but he knew he wasn’t sensitive to it. Not that there was anything wrong with that. Just, he couldn’t blame it for the fact that he tells the Stormtrooper that is leading him to freedom that they need to take a detour down a hall.

“What are you doing? Nobody’s allowed in there! We shouldn’t even be anywhere near here,” the Stormtooper hastily whispers to him but Poe can barely hear the words when compared to the feeling that he needs to open the door, needs something that was inside it.

He honestly doesn’t expect the door to open to him. Something may be guiding him to it but it was shut and going but the panic of the Stormtooper holds something secret. One would think it would be locked away to ensure nobody could reach it.

There is even a keypad that he eyes warily because there might be an alarm system on it, something that the second he tries to open it and fails will make klaxon scream and everyone in the area to run towards where they are. Still there is something telling him that he needs to open the door and despite the fact that he doesn’t entirely like or trust the Force after everything it has done he cannot completely deny that he wants to believe it s a good thing. Cannot shake his mother’s words that the Force wants to protect the life in the galaxy, that is guides those sensitive to it to do what needs to be done in order to best protect everyone else.

He isn’t sure who is more surprised when the door slides open to his request - him or the Stormtooper.

He isn’t sure who is more surprised by what is seen on the other side of the door – him or Ben.

“Poe,” Ben says with complete disbelief that Poe _feels_. It is impossible. His friend had been taken years ago, spirited away in the night by some outside force that had decimated Luke Skywalker’s school in the same breath. He had vanished, untraceable, even to the eyes of the Jedi (and the contacts of a smuggler). Almost forgotten from Poe’s memory from how many years he had been missing.

“What are you doing here?” the words come out of their mouths at the same time and Poe’s brain finally manages to process his sensory input of things other than the sight of Ben Solo all grown up. Manages to process the rest of the room, luxurious but sparse of personal possessions, and the smell of alpha and omega mingled. The smell of a mated pair. Poe remembers the smell of the General of the First Order, remembers it from when the alpha had come to see if he would give the information willingly before they had to get the _Force User_ involved. Poe remembers it and wants to throw something at the idea of him being Ben’s mate. A primal part of him enraged at the idea of a man like that taking Ben in his heats.

“Where leaving here, do you want to join us?” He isn’t sure what he will do if Ben says no. A part of him wants to just throw the omega over his shoulder (as if he could do that with just how much Ben has grown over the years) and take him with them unwillingly if he has to. His mother didn’t raise him to be like that though, and he wouldn’t be able to face General Organa again if he dared.

“You will get killed if they catch you.”

“Not if you do the whole,” Poe makes a gesture to his head to indicate the ability of Force-users to meddle with others minds. He had never really like the idea of it, but it would be a lot easier to escape if those who might stop them happened to look the other way when they passed.

“I can’t. He has me drugged so I can’t access it.”

At the words Poe is ready to turn around and find the General and _kill him_ for it, screw the fact he’d likely die in the process. He had grown up around Ben and his family, he knew the Force probably as well as anyone who had no sensitivity to it could. He knew how much it was a part of them, something that they couldn’t ignore even if they had no idea what it was they had access to. The closet thing his brain could suggest to having it taken away would be for his hand to be cut off, or maybe his eyes blinded. Maybe even both. It’s more important he gets Ben back to the Resistance, gets him back to his mother. At least then he might be able to regain his connection, something that Poe doubted would happen if he stayed where he was (especially seeing the venom the General had used when he had talked of Force users to Poe).

“We’ll work something out. You’re coming with us though.”

“What?” the Stormtrooper demands and Ben flinches back when he realises he has been there the whole time.

“He’s coming with us.”

“But you heard him: we’ll get killed if we get caught.”

“We’re already probably going to get killed anyway. Just, trust me; if I can get him back to the Resistance we might be able to turn the tide of this whole thing.”

“I don’t care about turning the tide. I just want to get out of here.”

“I get that and trust me _I_ want to get out of here as well but he’s coming with us or else I’m not going. He’s my friend.”

The Stormtrooper needs a pilot so he has little choice but to agreea and somehow the three of them make it past all of the security and into a Tie Fighter. Of course they end up getting shot at but Poe had never thought escaping was going to be easy.

“Let me at the comms,” Ben says, and Poe can hear the Stormtroopers – now Finn give a shout of protest.

“Trust me just, can I?” he asks Poe who moves aside.

“If you think it will help us not be shot down sure.”

“Thank you.” It is an awkward shift, to fit Ben close enough that he can access the comms while Poe can continue flying the Fighter trying to stop them from being hit. Awkward and all so close and Poe can _smell_ Ben and the General on him. Can smell the fact the mingling of their scents is just as stained in Ben’s skin and clothes as it was the walls of the room he had been kept in.

“Hux, I know your there.” Ben says into the comms and for a few seconds all they can is the flurry of activity on the other side.

“Ben!? What are you doing? Have you completely lost your mind?”

“No I haven’t. I told if you if I ever got the chance to leave then I would take it. I got the chance Hux. I’m taking it.”

There is a mutter in the background and Poe thinks he can hear one of the officers asking if they should stop firing. He defiantly hears Hux’s demands that they don’t.

“Hux, if you hit us I might die.”

“I am more than aware of your family’s ability to survive. Even if I shoot you out of the sky someone will pick you up before you die.”

“The child may not then.”

Child? Ben didn’t smell pregnant and Poe is pressed close enough to him that he swears he can catch every layer to his scent. If it is a lie it does its job and the General is quickly ordering that the other Tie Fighters stop firing on them.

“Ben if you know what’s good for you you’ll come back to me right now.”

“Goodbye Hux,” Ben says before turning off the comms. He doesn’t move away, instead he glances at Poe and gives him a small smile, one that Poe remembers from when they were children and Ben had just gotten away with doing something he knows he wasn’t supposed to do. “Come on now. Get us out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ren-Hime did art for this chapter. It's here (and amazing): http://ren-hime.tumblr.com/post/149807121056/ben-poe-and-finn-escaping-the-fo-in-the-tie


	2. Sand Consumes All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is officially the first chapter. Hopefully this isn’t the average length of chapters though (too short) but you can’t tell me the ending of this wasn’t too perfect. I had to stop it. 
> 
> Also if you follow me on tumblr you’ve already seen the first half. Second bit is new though so even if you do follow me on tumblr it’s still worth reading.

Ben cannot remember the last time he felt sunlight.

It had been so long ago that he had given up trying to remember what freedom had felt like. So long without fresh air on his skin. So long since he last had something to look at other than four walls of discernibly similar rooms.

He doesn’t remember it burning as much as it does. His skin feels as if it is on fire from either the scotching sun or blistering sands of the desert planet. His lungs burn from the smoke coming from the wrecked Tie-Fighter but he cannot bring himself to move away from the wreckage. Cannot seem to force himself to turn his back on the vehicle that took him away from his captivity and _alpha_ only to abandon him on the too-hot planet where they crashed.

He sees the Stormtrooper pull himself from the smouldering wreckage but cannot bring himself to acknowledge his existence. He just stares at the Tie-Fighter, sun beating down on his skin and sand burning his feet as the gravity of what he has done settles into him.

He is free.

The ground starts to shake and Ben nearly loses his balance from it but he braces himself, digging his feet further into the sand to stop from tumbling over, and watches as the sands swallow up the Fighter. Watches as the vessel that gave him his freedom is consumed by the desert it took them to. He wonders if he too will be consumed by the landscape, just another ghost vanished into the oasis-producing heat.

Somebody grabs his arm and for a moment he thinks its Hux. There to drag him back to the room and punish him for ever believing he could leave.

It’s not Hux. It is the Stormtrooper. Although, without his armour he doesn’t look much like a Stormtrooper anymore. Just a man like any other. Just Finn. The name Poe gave to him as the three of them desperately fled the First Order comes to him and it’s a comfort. A Stormtrooper might take him back to Hux. But Finn? Finn wants out just as keenly as Ben does. He won’t force him to return.

“We have to move,” Finn says and he is probably right. If they stay there the desert will certainly kill them. Or worse, Hux will find them. They have to find some sort of settlement. They can figure out what they will do next after that.

He adjusts the thin shawl he is wearing into something to cover his head from the sun only to find his knuckles stained red. Bloodied from the crash they stain the white fabric where they touch. He supposes it was never going to stay while on this planet. Supposes he will have to replace the flimsy material of his clothes with something more durable soon.

“Are you okay?” Finn asks and Ben’s attention is drawn to him and the reminder that he cannot merely stand there forever.

“I- yes,” he reaches out to touch Finn, to get a physical sensation to prove that this is not just all a dream and that he won’t just wake up with Hux kissing him on the head and telling him that _next time_ he will be with child. Finn avoids his reach and instead Ben’s hand finds the leather of a jacket. “Where’s Poe?”

Finn’s face turns sad and he looks towards the place in the sands where the Fighter went down. “I don’t think he made it out.”

Of course. The desert has already claimed its first victim.

They have little choice but to pick a direction and start walking. Not unless they want to wait there for their deaths of the First Order to show up and drag them both back.

They soon discover just how endless a desert can be. The sand seems to go on forever and without any protection from the unrelenting sun their bodies ache from it all.

Finn handles it better. Ben can see it. Anyone can see it. He has been trained to walk with the heavy armour of a Stormtrooper on, without it only the sun and dehydration can take its toll on him. Ben however hasn’t walked much further than one side of a room to another in years. His legs start to struggle to carry him within minutes of leaving the site of the crashed shuttle. He has to fight the urge to collapse and accept death with each and every step.

Finn would be smarter just leaving him.

He doesn’t.

Instead he matches his pace to Ben’s. Apparently unconcerned of the fact that it means it will decrease his chance of finding some sort of settlement before heatstroke kicks in.

They do find one. Eventually. A small set of infrastructure more akin to a trading station then a settlement with ships and transport-vessels parked around it and species of every kind walking around.

It is the first time in years that Ben sees a species that is not human. He bites back fear at the realisation that here, humans are minority.

He knows he will have to get used to dealing with non-humans. He remembers from his childhood that the galaxy is filled with them. He will not let that be the thing that prevents him from escaping. He has not endured the desert just to go running back because of the fact the beings he meets aren’t humans.

Finn pushes his way through the crowd in a desperate attempt to find water to relieve his parched throat. Ben wants to follow the lead. He feels like he will die unless he gets water. He feels like he will die if he takes another step.

His legs finally give in and he finds himself collapsed on the sands of the planet. He feels them begin to roast his skin. He doesn’t want to die. Doesn’t want to give Hux the satisfaction of being right in saying he would never last outside the room. On the other hand, if he must perish, at least he is free. At least he proved to Hux that yes, he would take the chance to escape when offered.

His vision clouds and then fades.

“Ben. Hey Ben. Come on you got to wake up.”

It must be Hux. Come to wake him up from a nap because he has returned from ruling over the ship and wants to spend his free time with his _omega_. His body feels as if it is post-heat: exhausted and thirsty, but is sure his heat was at least three weeks ago. All he remembers is the dream he had – that Poe came and had helped him escape. That they had crashed into a hot desert planet and he and a Stormtrooper named Finn had been all who survived. He hates dreams like that. Hates how his mind seems to want to taunt him with the idea that he could ever be free of the room and Hux and the never ending attempts to get his broken body to conceive a child. “Water,” he rasps and hopes Hux is in a kind enough mood to get it for him.

“What? Water? Oh, right, here.” The voice is that of a woman’s and Ben wants to puzzle out why Hux has let another into the room. Maybe all the attempts had been successful. Maybe a child has taken in his body and she is here to ensure it stays there. He can worry about that later though, once he has regained the fluid he has apparently lost in sleep.

The water feels hot to his tongue but it is still water and he drinks it down greedily, apparently more thirsty then he originally thought. It tastes different too, like it is less pure then the water normally given to him. He swears there are bits of grit within it that scratch at his parched throat as he swallows it down. He wonders why Hux is allowing him to drink something that is less then perfectly pure. Then he realises that if he is right and a child has taken it probably has something in it to help his body to not reject them. 

It is only after he has drained the container that he opens his eyes.

At first all he sees is sand and maybe he hadn’t been dreaming. Maybe it had all been real and he is no longer on a First Order ship within his room with only Hux’s company to look forward to. Maybe the scorching sun and burning sand were real. Maybe he did breathe in the fumes from the crash of the Tie-Fighter before walking across a desert with a Stormtrooper just as desperate to escape as he was.

He looks up at the person who offered him the drink and no. No it was defiantly all a dream and he is still dreaming. Or maybe the heat has fried his brain and made him delusional.

She is dead. Hux told him so. Told him that he was now the last of the bloodline and that was why it was so important for another to be created. There is no way that she can be in front of him, her face aged but features still the same.

Maybe she is a monster of the desert. A false hope that takes that shape of someone you have lost from your memories in order to lure you to your death within the sands. He realises he has taken water from her. That he has drunk water given by her. He realises he might have already trapped himself in her powers.

He drops the bottle that held the water and pushes himself back away from her. Trying to scramble as far away as possible only to discover that he has backed himself into someone else. Another monster? He has no choice but to try and fight so he can flee.

“Hey, it’s just me.” His hands are caught by the person behind him and he watches as the blood from his knuckles smears onto dark skin. It’s Finn. Just Finn. Not some second monster come to drag him into the unending desert and his death. “I’m sorry, he’s a little skittish.”

It takes Ben a second to realise that Finn is talking to the apparition. “You can see her too?”

“Yes? Why? Shouldn’t I be able to?” Finn asks and no he shouldn’t. If she was a heat induced delusion of Ben’s mind Finn should not be able to see her as well.

It can’t be her then. It must be just another person who looks like her. The galaxy is large enough. There must be multiple people that share the same base features. It has to be someone else. There is no way she could have survived the massacre. No way she could have found herself all the way to this desert planet. Hux is right and she died while still only a child. She cannot be the person kneeling in front of him.

There is no possible way for Rey Skywalker to be alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More amazing art by Ren-hime for this chapter: 
> 
> http://ren-hime.tumblr.com/post/149848491716/hux-and-ben-finn-poe-rey-bb-8-escape-and
> 
> http://ren-hime.tumblr.com/post/149798691771/ben-organa-alternative-universe-character-sheet
> 
> http://ren-hime.tumblr.com/post/150918755151/ben-finn-and-rey-goddessofroyalty-posted-a-new


	3. Brief Hux Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn’t want to put an interlude this close to the start of the fic but I’ve started the next chapter and this needs to go before it. Hopefully there ends up bigger gaps between them? Also yes, there will be more interludes to come (for various characters).

Hux hates this planet.

The black of his clothing soaks the sun’s rays in greedily. He can feel the sweat pooling on his forehead as he stares at the sands of the planet.

They had landed mere metres away from where the last co-ordinates of the Tie-Fighter had singled from before everything went quiet. By all logic the Tie-Fighter should be there with, at the very least, an apologetic omega who had learnt how hard the galaxy could be and was wanting to return to his alphas protection.

There is only sand.

Hux can feel the heat of the sand even through the thick souls of his shoes. Can feel it reflecting the sun’s heat. On bare feet it must be unbearable. The omega is more of a fool then he thought.

He has to find him. This planet is no place for such a delicate creature. It will scorch his skin and dry out his body. Will leave nothing but a shrivelled corpse as evidence of his existence.

(Or perhaps worse: he will thrive)

Hux has to find him before that happens.

“I don’t mean to intrude Sir but you requested my presence?” Hux turns from the burning sands to the Officer standing prone despite the sweat gathered on his brow as well.

“You have squadrons stationed on this planet?”

“Yes sir. We are following up a lead as to the location of the droid as we speak.”

“Forget the droid for now.” Finding Luke Skywalker can wait a couple days if it means Hux does not have to inform the Supreme Leader that he let his gifted omega escape and perish in the sands of this horrible planet. “You are not to find an omega in white as your top priority.” He doubts anything white could last on a planet like this, especially not an omega clad in it.

The Officer looks as if he is about to protest but his comm goes off and he excuses himself to answer it. Which is probably in his best interest if he wishes to keep his position. Hux has already had to suffer one set of insubordination in the day and he lost his omega in it. He has little patience for a second batch.

The Officer returns from where he wondered off to answer the comm looking entirely too pleased with himself.

“Sir my men have found the droid.”

“Then capture him and find the omega.” Hux couldn’t care less about the status of the droid while his omega was still lost in the sands somewhere.

“You didn’t let me finish Sir. The droid isn’t alone. It is in the custody of an omega in white and two others.”

Hux pauses at that. It makes sense. Dameron and FN-2187 would be the omegas safest bet at surviving and also escaping. Dameron would want to droid and the map it carries back within his possession, and the omega would have little choice but to follow if he wanted to stay within their protection. At least Hux didn’t have to worry about him dying. Still the two alphas would pay for believing they could take Hux’s omega from him. “Retrieve the droid and the omega. Kill the other two.”

He didn’t need Poe Dameron anymore, the droid had the map anyway. As for FN-2187? No amount of promise would save him from facing the punishment for treason.

At least it looked like it would be a neat solution of all the day’s problems. Hux would take the droid to the Supreme Leader and remind his omega exactly who he belonged to.

He would be sure to destroy the planet at the end of it all as well. He didn’t want to ever look at it nor be reminded of all the problems it caused ever again.


	4. Your Own Two Legs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full title is: “If all you’ve got is your own two legs just be glad you’ve got them”. It’s from Hadestown (musical – go look it up). It was too long. It got shortened to actually be a title. 
> 
> Another short one and TBH the next one probably will be as well. I’m hoping the one after that will be longer though. Just these first three sort of have very clear points to get them up to and when you hit them you just got to end it there. 
> 
> Also to everyone who wanted him to realise it was Rey in this chapter: yeah, sorry, that’s not happening for a little while yet.

There is a droid yelling about danger and when he looks over at the source an orange-and-white sphere comes racing towards them until it runs into him, the whole while going off about how they need to get out of there _now_.

“Oh no,” Finn says and Ben feels himself being tugged up to his feet.

“What do you mean ‘oh no’?”

“We have to go. Now.”

Finn gives him a shove, an indicator that he needs to start running and he finally sees the reason why. Stormtroopers. Two of them. One pointing at them and the other talking on their comm. Finn is right in his assessment of the situation. The First Order has found them. Hux has found them. He knows they probably have very little time to get away. Very little time until the full brunt of Hux’s power arrives to drag him back to the First Order and the room and the repetitive cycle of failed conceptions.

His legs and feet burn but he finds the energy to make them keep moving. He isn’t going to just let himself be dragged back that easily. Not while he still has even a sliver chance to get away remaining.

He hears a woman’s voice saying something in protest but he doesn’t have time to think on it. Not when there is a hand on his back shoving him forward and his feet following the only instruction they have which is to run despite the burning sands they are being driven into as he does so. He recognises nothing of where he is running, the whole settlement new to him. He doesn’t know how long he was unconscious for but he hopes Finn has gotten some idea of the layout of the area. He hopes Finn knows where they are going as he follows the shoves and pulls directing him where to go.  

The Stormtroopers are firing at them. They shouldn’t be firing at them. Not unless Hux has already cast him aside and sentenced him to death for leaving. He thought he had brought himself safety with the lie about a child. Hux surely wouldn’t risk the punishment that would come down upon him if it was found that he intentionally threatened the life of a potential _alpha_ force-user Ben could be carrying. He had apparently been wrong.

“Where are you going – this way!” The woman’s voice says and Ben is tugged sharply into a new direction.

They weave through the tents of the place. The droid – BB-8, the two of them keep calling out to BB-8 – racing right next to them. Ben manages to keep up with them, ignoring the burn in his legs and lungs from the exercise so foreign to his body.

They eventually stop in one of the tents and he desperately tries to pull oxygen into his lungs.

“Blasters. Where do they keep the blasters around here?” Finn asks and Ben watches as he desperately searches for a weapon. He is jealous of the energy Finn has. He used to be like that, able to keep moving despite the amount of exertion his body has gone through. That was 15 years ago though. Now his body ached from just escaping the First Order’s ship. He isn’t sure what keeps pushing him forward despite his body’s want to just collapse. He hopes whatever it is lasts until they get out of this. Hopes it last so he can get out of this without being dragged back to the First Order and Hux.

“They’re shooting at me as well,” the woman-who-is-not-Rey says and Ben is almost scared _she_ will collapse.

“Yeah, they saw you with us. You’re marked,” Finn says and Ben is sorry that they did. He knows this cannot be Rey Skywalker but he cannot help the urge to protect her that is a response to the all-too-familiar features. He doesn’t want to be the reason for her death two times over.

“Thanks for that.”

“I’m not the one who chased you down with a stick,” Finn replies and Ben cannot help but laugh at the mental image of it. His heart aches at it as well – it is exactly something he could imagine Rey doing.

Finn goes back to trying to find a blaster and not-Rey checks on BB-8 (and yes, that is the droids name). They leave Ben to catch his breath. They leave him and so he is the first to hear it.

Finn stops his search and listens a few seconds after, and of course knows what that sound is as well. He also must know what it means.

The sound of Tie-Fighters closing in on their target fills the air.

Hux has called in an air-strike.

The small window of time in which to grasp freedom has closed.

Ben’s legs threaten to collapse under him. His feet feel desperate to get off the hot sands they are half-buried into.

There is a determined look on Finn’s face and he grabs Ben’s hand as well as the one belonging to the woman, tugging them both from the tent.

They run but Ben knows the Fighters are faster. Knows that they are already too close on their tail. When he hears them open fire he hopes their aim is true and it is quick. He holds onto the fact that he managed to escape, if only temporarily. That he managed to live up to his promise to Hux all those years ago that he would find a way _out_. That he managed to show that no matter their designation his family was not one of caged animals.

A shot lands, hitting the sand just behind them and the four of them are sent flying.

They aren’t aiming to kill them. Ben realises as his ears ring and skin burns from the explosion that had been so close. They are trying to disorientate him enough that the Stormtroopers on the ground can grab him before he can put up much of a fight.

It is that knowledge that makes him force himself to his knees despite his body’s protests. There is no way he isn’t going to put up a fight. Not after everything. If Hux wants him back then he is going to make sure that he has to work _hard_ for it.

He clears his head enough to see the women-who-isn’t-Rey leaning over Finn and oh no. They might not have been trying to land a hit on Ben but Finn they would. Hux would probably happily order Finn to be shot down.

He manages to get his legs to push him up and off the ground and he closes the distance between him and them just as not-Rey holds her hand out to Finn and he grabs it. He isn’t dead and Ben thanks for the Force for that despite his knowledge that he cannot actually communicate his gratitude to it.

The-woman-who-isn’t-Rey gives him a relieved smile when she notices he has joined them. “Follow me,” she says before taking off and they have little choice but to follow her. Ben hopes she knows what she is doing because she is the only hope they have left of not being recaptured by the First Order. Even then he knows it is a slim hope.  

She leads them further away from the settlement and Ben feels much too out in the open. He can here the Tie-Fighters in the background and knows they will have a clean shot at them, either to incapacitate or kill. He isn’t sure he will be able to last another blast. Isn’t sure he has the energy left in his body to drag himself up an out of the burning sands another time should he be sent crashing into them. He hopes the woman has a plan.

“We can’t outrun them!” Finn yells as they keep running despite that fact.

“We might in a quad-jumper.”

“We need a pilot.” In another life Ben could be that pilot. Between his father and uncle he had certainly been taught how to fly a variety of ships. Had been taught it from a very young age. He hadn’t flown anything in 15 years though and he doubted his ability to just jump into any and know what he was doing.

“We’ve got one.”

Of course Rey Skywalker is a pilot. She is probably an excellent one as well.

 But this isn’t Rey Skywalker.

This cannot be Rey Skywalker because Rey Skywalker is dead. This is just a woman who bares her face and her kindness and her confidence. He hopes she has the skill to back it up. He needs her to have the skill to back it up. He hopes it is another trait of his cousin that has inexplicably ended up also on the woman who bears her face. He hopes he isn’t putting faith in the flesh-and-blood being before him because of a ghost. He hopes that the trust he feels that she _is_ a pilot, and one good enough to get them out of here. He hopes it isn’t just his own hopes blinding and consuming him. 

He misses what Finn says in response to her, too lost in his own thoughts. All he hears is her reply. “No, that one’s garbage.”

They keep running but apparently the Tie-Fighters know where they are going and swiftly move to stop their escape. The ship goes up in a blaze of fire and smoke and for a moment Ben thinks it is all over. How else are they supposed to escape if not on that ship? They cannot possibly outrun the Tie-Fighters and if he is honest with himself his body is ready to collapse any second now. It is over and he has failed and he will have to endure whatever punishment Hux thinks up for his attempt at freedom.

In the time he spends contemplating how best to try and curb Hux’s temper when he arrives the-woman-who-isn’t-Rey apparently revaluates their position. “The garbage will do.”

She turns and runs and they all have no choice but to follow her. Not unless they want to stay there and wait for Hux to arrive. Ben doesn’t want that and he is sure neither does Finn. They just have to both hope that this woman knows what she’s doing.

He recognises the ship she is leading them too and finds hope rising in him.

He _knows_ that ship. Would recognise it anywhere.

He doesn’t know how it ended up on the sand-bowl of a planet and for the moment he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything but the fact that he is heading towards _that_ ship.

He knows if he can make it, if they can make it, onto the ship they will be able to escape. He knows it is irrational and childish and foolish to believe it as fact but he knows it. If he still had any connection to it he’d say it was the Force telling him, but in his current broken state he just has to hope intuition and nostalgia will not lead him wrong.

There is one fact he had know to be the truth before he was taken by Hux and the First Order: so long as he was aboard his father’s ship he would be safe.

So long as he was aboard the Millennium Falcon everything would turn out alright in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More amazing art: http://tanukii-chan.tumblr.com/post/153141728336/people-ask-what-i-am-working-on-its-a-wip-ben
> 
> http://tanukii-chan.tumblr.com/post/153380255556/star-wars-au-ben-organa-from-toiw-by


	5. The Gods Call You Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couple of little pacing changes from the movie for this chapter – some things are slightly shuffled in order to better fit with what I needed it to do compared to what the movie needed it to do. Also some things to skipped/changed and other bits got added. Nothing major but like if you have the movie off-by-heart you’ll notice. 
> 
> Oh and this is much closer to the length I want the chapters of this thing to be (maybe even a little long – but I’d rather little long than little short).

They reach the ship. They reach the Millennium Falcon and as they climb inside it Ben is sure they have reached safety.

The other two run off in opposite directs – Finn to the gunner and not-Rey the cockpit. Ben just stands there taking it all in. Taking his father’s ship in.

It’s covered in dust, a dust that shows it has been out of use for many years. It is knocked up from their quick footsteps and fills his lungs and eyes while staining his clothing just that bit more, covering the last of the white left in them. It makes his choke and cough and his eyes water up but then again, that just might be from relief.

He hears the familiar roar of the engines and shuts his eyes if only to image for one second that he is a child again and the ship still his home. That it is still filled with the scent of family instead of stale dust.

The ship takes off and while his father had never been the smoothest flyer the women who isn’t Rey is somehow worse. He finds himself stumbling and gripping onto the walls for balance. Finds his fingers returning to familiar groves within the frame of the ship to stop himself from landing on the ground. It reopens the cuts in his hand. Tears at his raw skin. He watches the dried and fresh blood smear onto the walls of his father’s ship, marking it with his presence once more.

The ship steadies and he manages to take another step. Manages to not have to grip the walls so tightly and instead run his hands along them, watching as the dust gets swept away and instead is replaced with bloody lines created by fingers.

The grates of the floor cut into his feet as he takes each step. The sand from the planet made the skin raw and sensitive and so easy for the cold metal to tear into. He watches the blood smear along the floor just as it does with the walls. He will probably have to find something to clean the cuts with soon lest an infection seep into them. His father never kept a clean ship and after many years of inhabitation there is likely something nasty living in the rough edges of the place just waiting for a host to wreak havoc on.

The women who cannot be Rey and Finn are yelling at each other through the ship but Ben pays it no mind, too lost in the ship and his memories.

He wonders what happened. The last time he saw his father the Falcon was still in his possession. He remembers it clearly now. Remembers watching Rey run through the ship in the way he had done when he was her age. Remembers Luke yelling at Han to watch their daughter before returning his attention to Ben and their shared meditation. Remembers Leia telling Rey to come to her because Han couldn’t be trusted while his focus was on repairing something on his ‘ _baby_ ’. Remembers Chewie’s delighted call when Rey found him instead. He remembers sinking into meditation in the middle of the ship. Remembers feeling them all through the Force. Remembers being _connected_ to the Force.

He wonders how and when Han Solo lost the Millennium Falcon. How and when his father lost connection to something that to Ben’s mind was an extension of him. He cannot help but think it is somehow his fault. Somehow tired up with what happened to him. A single night decimating the entirely of his family, destroying all the things that marked them as who they were.  

He finds himself gasping for breath. Not from the dust that clogs up his throat and lungs but the tears that stream down his face.

The ship lurches and he only just manages to catch himself on the walls before falling over.

It readjusts yet he finds himself continuing to cling to its walls. He doesn’t need their support anymore but at the same time needs it more than he had when the ship was in motion.

He finds himself clinging and sobbing because he’s _home_ but at the same time he isn’t home at all. Just on an empty ship filled with memories and none of the people who belong in it.

The ships makes another lurch and this time it’s from being hit rather than any of not-Rey’s piloting (and she pilots like Rey Skywalker would, all reckless abandonment mixed with comfortable confidence that the ship can do as she needs it to). He realises the shields haven’t been put up yet. Realises he had gotten caught up in his horrible nostalgia that he left the woman who isn’t Rey alone to pilot a ship always meant for two.

He manages to pull himself together enough to make his way through the ship and into the cockpit. He sees the woman who shares so much with his cousin desperately trying to lean over to the switch while still maintaining control of the Falcon. He flips it for her and she focuses on him.

“Are you okay?” she asks and he knows he must look a mess. An omega red and puffy and stained with tears wearing a tattered dirty outfit soiled from both his own blood as well as the sand and dirt and dust of the planet and Falcon.

“Yes. I am now.” It’s as close to the truth as he can give without explaining it all. Without explaining how much seeing her piloting this ship both brings him joy and sorrow.

She gives him a nod before returning to piloting the ship just as Finn yells out that they need cover.

“We’re about to get some soon,” she calls back, and he watches her struggle with figuring out which controls do what. He knows at one point in his life he had known what they had all done. Had spent his childhood on his father’s and uncles’ laps having each and every one explained. Had spent his early teen years flying the thing under their careful gaze. He knows that was a long time ago and while he remembers what most of them are roughly he is sure he would be just as unsteady as the woman is despite the fact she has never flown it before.

The ship lurches as she pilots it and Ben ends up sitting in the co-pilot seat if only to stop himself from ending up sprawled on the floor from the constant shifts to his balance. The seat doesn’t smell like it used to. Doesn’t smell of Han and Luke and Leia and Chewie. Instead it smells as stale as the rest of the ship does. Smells of the dust knocked up when he sat in it.

He runs his hands over it as if doing so will somehow drag up the scent of his family buried under all the dust and years. The women glances at him from the corner of her eyes but she doesn’t say anything as she returns her attention to where she he piloting the ship.

He sees the broken husks as they near them and somehow knows she plans on using them somehow.

Finn manages to land a hit on one of the Tie-Fighters and not-Rey looks back for a moment to yell her congratulations. Ben would as well but his attention is too focused on the mountains of ship that are surrounding them now. The bodies of the Empire. Evidence that the First Order is just one of a series of horrors trying to conquer the galaxy. Evidence that even monsters on a size like that can be defeated.

The remaining Fighter manages to land a hit on the cannons. For a moment Ben is scared they’ve managed to hit Finn but Finn yells up that the guns jammed. A problem, yes, but not as bad as Ben had feared.

“Get ready,” The women who isn’t Rey warns and Ben follows her gaze towards the goliath husks of a ship long-destroyed. He knows what she is going to do.

He swears he can hear his mother yelling at his father that this is a stupid suicidal idea but that is most defiantly just a memory.

“Are we really doing this?” Finn yells and Ben knows that yes they are. And Ben knows that the Falcon will be able to pull it off.

There is an excitement that rises in him as they fly further into the half-scavenged corpse of the ship. An excitement he had not felt for many years. An excitement that his mother had said he had inherited from his father. A love of the adrenalin that came through him when the Falcon was about to attempt some feat it should never be able to do.

He feels like himself again. Like the old him who ran around in thick oil-stained pants and a worn shirt or plain Jedi’s robes instead of the delicate intricate fabric of the clothes he was forced into.

“Oh no,” the woman who isn’t Rey says and he realises what they’ve done as the greater ship bottle-necks around them.

Dread wells up next to excitement and he watches her face looking for any tell that she has a plan or not. Her face scrunches up in focus and even before the ship makes a sharp turn he knows they will be okay. Between her flying and the Falcon’s ability to mauver in a way a ship of its size should not be able to do they will be okay.

He shuts his eyes as they enter free fall and remembers being a child again and his father and uncle trying to complete over who could show him the coolest tricks with the ship while his mother was busy with some meeting. Remembers the laughter that filled the cockpit as the most mature being in the room for that moment was a Wookie whose concern was brushed off by everyone else.

He gets brought back at the sound of Finn’s cheer and when he opens his eyes there are no more Fighters chasing them. When he opens his eyes they are free.

They make it into space and Ben feels relief flood through him. Hux may still yet find him but he knows the search zone has increased greatly. They should have some time. They should have a chance.

The woman who isn’t Rey pushes herself up and out of the chair, rushing into the main body of the ship but Ben stays where he is.

He stays where he is and gazes out into the vastness of the universe. He sees it with hope for the first time in many years.

Somewhere out there is his parents and uncles. The remaining parts of his family that didn’t perish on that night. 

Somewhere out there he will find a place Hux won’t be able to find him.

He pulls himself away from it to join the other two, his hand brushing along the walls of the ship as he does so. He feels as if it is all a dream. As if he were to break contact he would wake up back in the room just as Hux entered after his day at work.

Not-Rey stands from where she had been talking to BB-8 when he enters and takes them both in. “I don’t know your names.”

“Finn.”

“Ben.”

“I’m Rey.”

He feels his heart stop at the name. Feels his heart stop and the horrible, impossible hope swell up into him. Feels himself suddenly believing that somehow she did survive it all. That somehow she made it out and was hidden away on the desert planet in order to protect her from ending up in a fate like his. That the Force had been guiding him to her, or her to him and them both to their father’s ship because it has a plan to repair what damage had been caused that night. A plan to take everything back to the way before that night and all the pain that followed.

There is no way to go back to before that night. And just because her name is Rey doesn’t mean she is _Rey_. There are probably many Rey’s in the galaxy, and one of them just happens to have the same face as his cousin. It’s a coincidence. A painful coincidence.

He feels tears well up nonetheless.

“Are you okay?” Rey (but not _that_ Rey – still she deserves her name even if it pains him) asks, reaching out to him and he takes a step back, away from Finn as well. He can’t handle them both right now. Can’t handle her having the same face and name as his cousin. Can’t handle it especially as he stands in the middle of his father’s ship. Can’t stand being in walls that feel haunted with only a ghost and a stranger as company.

“I need-“ he starts, getting ready to flee deep into the ship. To find one of the places on it that is only known to members of his family. To find a place on it where they won’t bother him. Or maybe Rey will find him and that horrible hope will be proven right. The Falcon has other plans apparently and hot steam comes shooting up from beneath its grates.

“Help me with this. Quick,” Rey says as she rushes over and the two of them follow. She pulls at the grate and Finn helps her. Ben wants to, but he knows he would be more hindrance than use. He has already pushed his body much further than he had in many years. Even standing causes his muscles to burn and his feet to ache. He doubts he has any strength left to do anything.

He finds himself collapsing against the wall of the Falcon, his body too exhausted to even bring itself to care about the potential death that the leak could cause them. No matter how dangerous the ship was it had never really caused him substantial harm. It had saved him. He doubts it would try and kill him now.

“BB-8 said the location of the Resistance Base is ‘need to know’ – if I’m taking you there, I need to know,” Rey says from where she has descended into the ship in order to fix the leak. Finn gives Ben a look and it’s clear he’s thinking the same thing: should they tell her? She did just save them both from being recaptured by the First Order and Hux. She probably deserves the truth. On the other hand how would they start to explain the reality of the situation – Finn, an ex-Storm Trooper who had rescued Poe and then they stumbled upon Hux’s prized omega and decided to take him as well. If she had any sense in her she’d drop them both back to the First Order’s front doorsteps and hope she didn’t get punished for helping their escape. Not that Ben actually believed the women who bore his cousins name and face would do it. Still, it would be safer to continue with the lie that they were both Resistance.

Finn gestures BB-8 over. “You gotta tell us where the base is.”

BB-8 responds with a protest that he isn’t going to reveal the base to three people he has barely met.

“I don’t speak that. Alright, between us, we’re not with the Resistance,” Finn adds and BB-8 spins around to Ben as if to check if he is going to protest the statement.

“We’re not.” In another life he might have been, but in this one he wasn’t.

“Look, we’re just trying to get away from the First Order but you tell us where your base is and we’ll get you there first – deal?”

Again BB-8 checks the statement with Ben and he can only nod. He needs to go to the Resistance base himself. It is the best chance he has at finding out where the galaxy his family ended up. He doesn’t have the Force to communicate with them so he must hope that nothing happened to make his mother loose contact with the Resistance. Must hope that they will know where to find her at least.

“Droid please.”

Rey pops up and Finn tries to act natural. Ben would laugh at how horrible he is at it if not for the fact that he cannot risk Rey figuring out that they are lying to her about the realty of their situation.

“So where’s your base?”

“Go on BB-8, tell her,” Finn says and the droid seems to seriously consider it for a moment. He turns to Ben, and Ben tries to give him what he hopes to be a reassuring smile.

“Please?”

Apparently it is enough and BB-8 turns around again and happily beeps out the co-ordinates of the base.

“The Ileenium system?” Rey asks and Finn nods unbelievably.

“Yeah, the Ileenium system, that’s the one – get us there as fast as you can.”

Rey disappears back under the grate and Finn gives BB-8 a thumbs up which is returned with a wielding torch turned upwards. Ben actually allows himself to laugh at that site only to find it sounds hollow to his ears.   

“I’ll drop you three off at Ponemah Terminal. I need the bonding tape, hurry!”

Finn goes searching through the box trying to find the tape in question. After three incorrect attempts Ben is tempted to go over and find it for him. Surely he could find it better, even if his memory of the ship and how to repair it had faded over the 15 years he had been away from it. His feet ache though and he fears the pain he would feel should he try to stand again. He is glad when Finn manages to find the correct tape, even if it is after multiple attempts and Rey’s growing frustration.

“What about you?” Finn asks as he hands the tape over.

“I’ve got to get back to Jakku.”

“Jakku!? Why do you want to go back to Jakku?” Ben understands the sentiment. He would be happy if he never returned to that planet during the rest of his life. Still, he isn’t going to question the woman’s decision, not after everything she has done for them. Finn apparently has no such reservations “Rey. You’re a pilot – you can fly anywhere. Why go back? You got family? You got a boyfriend?”

“None of your business,” Rey replies with a pointed nod towards Ben and oh no.

“What?” Finn asks and the look gets more pointed. “What?

“She thinks you’re with me. That we’re mated.”

“That we’re what? No. No I’m not with him. Not like _that_. Not at _all_ with him. We’ve just-“ met. Ben knows the word Finn was about to say and he knows why he caught himself. They having just met wouldn’t exactly match with them both being in the Resistance. “I’m not with him like that.”

Ben feels like he should perhaps be offended at Finn’s tone but he is more relieved. He isn’t with him, and he doesn’t want to be with him. He doesn’t want to be with anyone and he realises, after everything, Finn could very well have decided to claim him in payment for helping him get away from Hux.

“Okay, well then-“ Whatever it was Rey was going to say gets cut off when the power in the ship goes out and Ben feels his heart sink. They’ve been found.

“That can’t be good,” Finn says.

“No, it can’t be,” Rey agrees and the three of them are bolting into the Cockpit, Ben ignoring the pain that shoots up his feet at each step. He has to know for sure if Hux has found them. If he has it won’t matter that Ben has torn his hands and feet to shreds. If Hux has found them there are worst things to come.

Rey checks the controls the second she reaches them. “Someone’s locked onto us. All controls are overridden.”

Finn apparently is unsatisfied with that assessment and clambers onto the panel using Rey as a stabiliser. “Get off,” Rey says protesting but she stops trying to push his hand off once he’s balanced. “See anything?”

“Oh no,” Finn says and Ben’s heart plummets. Finn glances back at him before looking back up into the gaping jaws of the ship swallowing them. “It’s the First Order.”

“What do we do, there must be something,” Rey says.

“There’s nothing we can do,” Ben replies and he starts trying to think of away to get Rey out of it. He knows he’s not going to escape. Knows he would never get another chance to escape again. Knows Hux will have thought up some punishment for his escape attempt by now. Finn too probably has no chance. Ben doesn’t know what will happen to him but he doesn’t think it will be pleasant. Rey though. It may be impossible for her to be his cousin but he has to save her. He has to save her if only to prove he can save one of them.

“You said poisonous gas?” Finn asks and Ben knows what he is planning.

“Yeah, but I fixed that.”

“Can you unfix it?”

Rey stares at them for a second before it clicks in her head as well and the three of them are running back into the body of the ship.

Ben grabs the gasmasks as they race through and Finn helps him into the sunken part of the ship after he tosses them down. As much as Ben doesn’t want to accept the help his hands and feet ache. It is easier to have Finn gently grip onto his forearm than have to brace himself on the grates of the ship with his hands.

Rey follows and she and Finn help pull BB-8 down into the cavern with them. It is a tight fit, the four of them in the hidden compartment of the Falcon, and Ben feels suffocated. He tries to bury the panic down though. Right now they need to stay hidden and quiet until the poison takes out anyone Hux sends into the ship to find them. It would do them no good if they were found quickly and dragged out of the ship before the gas even had a chance to seep through searchers masks and into their lungs.

Rey and Finn tug the grate back over to cover them and Rey goes to working on undoing her work at blocking up the leak while the rest of them watch in silence.

A hand grabs onto Ben’s and he has to look down to realise it is Finn’s. When he meets the other’s eyes there is determination in them. He understands the silent message sent – they’re not going back.

The only response he can give is a nod.

He doesn’t point out that they are probably just delaying the inevitable.

“Chewie. We’re home.”

He knows that voice. He knows that _name._

It’s not the First Order.

They don’t need to stay hidden.

Ben tries to push himself up, shifting the other two who share a panicked looked. Finn grabs his other hand, and his eyes seem to be trying to express some message of calm.

They don’t understand. He needs them to understand. It’s not the First Order. They’re safe.

He doesn’t get the words out before the grate is lifted over their heads and he is right. It isn’t the First Order. They are safe.

Han Solo and Chewbacca stare into the crate, the blaster held in Han’s hands pointed down at them. He watches as the realisation stretches across their features.

“Ben?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters amazing art: http://tanukii-chan.tumblr.com/post/153078573921/star-wars-au-rey-ben-and-finn-from-toiw-by
> 
> http://tanukii-chan.tumblr.com/post/153380615646/star-wars-au-toiw-by-goddessofroyalty-x


	6. Brief Han Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another interlude. 
> 
> I have a feeling things are going to become a bit looser when compared to the movie from the next chapter onwards (it'll still follow the plot of the movie just... interactions are going to be added/changed a bit more).

It had been too long since he had seen his ship.

Too many years and he found all his memories had been distorted from that. Found they had turned from memories of all the years he and Chewie had used it to do runs, all the modifications he had made to it in order for it to be effective to focused on a single point. Focused in on the few years when the ship had been its fullest. Memories of a time that was tied to much a more painful one.

He still isn’t going to just let the Falcon slip from his hands.

He doesn’t care how painful it is. Doesn’t care how wrong it feels for it to be just him and Chewie on it. He isn’t going to let the Falcon not be returned to his possession.

It feels wrong to take it back without _them_. It _is_ wrong to leave it in the custody of someone else.

Walking into the ship only reminds him of how long it has been. The place is covered with dust and sand. Whoever had taken it clearly hadn’t taken the best care of it. It looked like it hadn’t seen life for years. He would have to start contemplating the stories of haunted ships if not for the disturbed footprints in the dust and the bloody streaks on the walls that come off wet when he rubs it.

He shows the blood to Chewie as if the Wookie couldn’t already smell that it was fresh and gets a concerned roar in reply. Clearly whoever had his ship had recently been met with trouble. Han shrugged. At least they will be at an advantage should it come to a fight.

He focuses back on the halls of the Falcon and tries to swallow back the memories it all brings up. “Chewie, we’re home.”

It doesn’t feel like home.

Not without the twins. Not without his children.

It doesn’t even smell like home anymore. Instead it smells stale and empty and no matter how desperately he wishes for it there is no lingering scent of Luke and Leia. The years without them within in had done what he once considered impossible – removed the scent of his bond and family from where it had sunk into every crevice of the ship.

It hurts being on the ship again. Hurts because he cannot help but remember racing through the halls with the twins because the Empire had found them and if they didn’t do something _now_ there was a very high chance they wouldn’t live to see the planet they were supposed to be going to. Cannot help but remember pacing through them desperately trying to convince the infant in his arms to _please stop crying_ because they had already pushed their mother to the edge of desperation and now it was his turn to try. Cannot help but think of the joy-filled screams both Ben and Rey had made as children while they ran through the ship lost in their own game. Cannot help but think about how he never got to teach his daughter how to fly the Falcon like he had his son.

The sound of movement beneath one of the floor plates of the ship distracts him from his thoughts, and he shares a look with Chewie. At least they know where those who had his ship were.

Chewie lifts the grate and Han is completely ready to shoot those who hold his ship in order to get it back. He finds himself frozen when he sees who it actually is.

There is no fear in his son’s eyes at the sight of him.

That is possibly the only positive aspect of his son’s appearance.

He is wearing cloths, the thin fabric of which had been torn through so that pieces hung off his sleeves and torso. Han is sure that the fabric was originally white but whatever Ben was doing had turned it into a combination of brown and grey. There was sand gathered in the collar of it, and Han could see more granules of it dusting through his son’s hair. Suddenly he was back on Tatoonie with a pair of omega twins who thought they could go up against a Hutt. They had only been held by Jabba for less than a day, his son had been gone for 15 years.

Ben’s thinner as well, the clothing hugs his frame and Han can see that there is little muscle tone on him. His remembers the hours his son had spent during his teenage years building up muscle, remembers the strength he used to have. Now he looks thin and lanky, instead of tall and muscular. Han wonders how long it took for his bulk to vanish.

His son’s hands and feet are torn apart and bloody, and Han now knows the source of the streaks on the walls and footsteps on the floor of the Falcon. He wonders what happened to cause them to open up like that. Wonders what his son had done in his escape from wherever he had been held.

That wasn’t the worst part though. No, the worst part was the underlay of his son’s scent, an unmistakable extra layer of alpha, of _mate_. He doesn’t know exactly what happened to him but he can guess and he’s pretty sure he isn’t wrong.

There is an alpha in the cavern of the ship with his son. An alpha who is holding his son’s hands, but Han can tell it isn’t him that his son is mated to. Which only raises more questions than it gives answers.

There is a third with them, a beta women and Han feels even more hope swell within him at her face. She looks like her, like his daughter, like the perfect blend of him and Luke, and maybe the two of them hadn’t been separated. Maybe his children had been kept together and found a way to escape. He cannot be as sure as he is with Ben. His son had been nearly fully grown when he was taken, had been definitive enough in his features that the last few years of growth couldn’t change them that much. His daughter had only been a child. Her features could have changed completely, formed into an unrecognisable person. He might just be projected onto her.

Still, he found his ship and he found his son. Those two were undeniable even in his most cynical.

Still, it was almost impossible to believe it true. Feels almost as if it’s a dream he’s made up in the loneliness he refuses to admit he feels.

It is impossible and yet he feels as if it is the truth of the situation. He still finds his mind struggling to process everything in front of him. Struggling to find the words to express what he feels at the sight of his son again. He knows he has to say something though, that he has to be the one to break the silence.

There is only one word that he can manage to get his mouth to say.

“Ben?”


	7. A warmth like no other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to turn what is actually like not even 2 minutes of dialogue into something that would actually take much longer. Look the Rathtar’s are just staying quiet for a bit longer okay – I said I would mess with the order/length of things as I needed to. 
> 
> Also trying to fix Ben’s feet as best as I can before the next chapter... possibly shouldn’t have crippled him TBH. 
> 
> Oh, and I’m apparently not moving up Han finding Rey’s name to here like I thought I would be – instead I guess it’ll end up in the same place as it does in the movie. I mean, this chapter is emotionally heavy enough without adding that so, all good. 
> 
> The only reason for the cliffhanger is I want the Rathtar’s as a separate chapter but I also needed something to show this chapter ended here. I honestly wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for the fact I wanted them to still cut Han off.

It takes much more effort getting out of the cavern than it did getting it.

Even with Han and Finn helping him out Ben still finds he needs to brace his hands on the edge of the grate to pull himself out.

The Pain is worth it though. Completely worth it when his father’s arms wrap tightly around him despite the fact he is not yet even standing. When he can hug back just as tightly and bury his head in his father’s shoulder, breathing in the near-forgotten scent of parent and family.

They are both sobbing and Ben hears Chewie’s happy roar before they are engulfed in his arms as well. The feeling of Wookie fur on his skin completely telling him he is back. There is no way Hux would let anything like that in the room.

There is a warmth in it. Both from the feeling of his father and uncle’s bodies pressed so closed to his as well as the one growing in his heart. It isn’t like the heat of Jakku. It doesn’t burn and blister his skin. Instead it feels like being wrapped in a thick blanket. It feels like comfort and reassurance and safety.

It cannot be a dream. It is too real to be a dream.

He has managed to escape and find his father again.

“I’m sorry,” his father says, pulling him only closer. “I should have protected you. I’m sorry.”

Ben wants to protest that there was nothing his father could have done. No way to predict what the First Order and Hux had planned that night. He doesn’t have the energy to though. He is safe with his father and he finds that all the adrenaline in his body that had kept him going wanes with that knowledge, leaving him with nothing but the feeling of exhaustion.

Leaving him only able to respond by hugging back tighter.  

He wants to do nothing more than stay bundled in his father and uncle’s arms, surrounded by their scent until sleep takes him.

The sound of Finn and Rey pulling themselves and BB-8 up from the alcove of the ship remind him that it isn’t an option yet.

“You know each other?” Finn asks once he and Rey had climbed out of the cavern and replaced the grate that covered it.

Ben manages to pull his face away from where it is buried between Han and Chewie to look at them, although his vision is blurred from tears. “Yes,” he says before suddenly realising that they have only half the story. They’re not like Poe, who would recognise Han and know who he was to Ben in the same instant Ben did.

He tries to stand up, only to find that his feet shoot pain through him when he puts weight on them.

“Chewie, go get the first aid kit,” his father says before helping him walk over to one of the crates on the ship and helping him sit down to take the weight off his feet. Rey and Finn follow to where they move, their faces deep with confusion, as Chewie disappears in search of a first aid kit.

“This is my father, Han Solo.”

“The Rebellion General?” Finn asks.

“The smuggler?” Rey asks at the same time.

“Both, actually.”

“Wasn’t he a war hero?” Finn asks and Ben can see his mind going through that information as well as his knowledge of the room he had met Ben in. He wonders what conclusion Finn reaches about it – whether he thinks Ben was some willingly handed over sign of a truce, or perhaps a hostage. He wonders if it dulls whatever image Finn has of Han if he failed to stop or save Ben from being captured. He wants to explain that none of it was Han’s fault. That there was nothing his father could have done to stop or prevent what happened. Nothing anyone could have done.

Han cuts in before he can get a chance. “We can deal with that _later_. First, where’d you find my ship?”

The question is aimed at Ben and he has a feeling his father imagines it as him taking back what rightfully belongs within the family instead of the moment of dumb luck that it had been. Rey answer for him. “Niima Outpost.” 

“Jakku?! The junkyard!”

“Thank you, junkyard,” Finn says to Rey but Han gives them little attention, instead keeping his focus on Ben.

“What were you doing on Jakku?”

“It’s a long story, we crashed there.” He doesn’t really want to explain it all right now. Wants to have a chance to at least process it all himself without the constant fear of death or recapture looming over him. Wants to have the chance to find which parts of the narrative he can give voice to and which he will leave for his father to figure out by implication.

Han opens his mouth as if keep questioning him about it but pauses and turns his attention back onto the other two. “Who had it, Ducain?”

“We stole it from Unkar Plutt. He stole it from the Irving Boys, who stole it from Ducain,” Rey explains and Ben watches Han’s expression become one of pure annoyance.

“Who stole it from me.” It is strange how much his father’s irritation feels comfortable to him. Strange how the thing that made him roll his eyes back when he was still with his family now makes him feel home. It is something that was a constant for most of his life – Han grumbling about whatever situation he was in and everyone else either snapping back or ignoring him. Empty words when compared to what will actually happen. It is an anger very different to Hux’s, both in tone and expected response. It’s nice to have it back. “Well you tell him Han Solo just stole the Millennium Falcon for good.”

“Wait so you really are Han Solo? And this is really the Millennium Falcon?” Rey asks, looking around the ship with unconcealed awe and once again Ben’s heart clenches at the person who face hers reminds him of. The ship is as much Rey Skywalker’s inheritance as his and she will never get it.

“I used to be,” his father says and Ben has a feeling he knows the exact failure that took the confidence from his father.

He once again finds himself wanting to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault. That if anyone could have predicted that something was going to happen it was Ben, who had taken Snoke disappearance from his brain as a gift of relief instead of a predictor of something more sinister. He hadn’t said anything to anyone and instead, convinced himself the danger had faded away until the First Order arrived and proved that it had merely been biding its time.

He doesn’t know how to voice the explanation though. Doesn’t want to risk whatever fallout will result when his father realises that it was all his fault that everything happened. That he was the one that could have stopped it.

“You must really hurt,” Han says and Ben realises he’s wrapped his arms around himself in comfort. His father read the gesture as one in response to physical pain. It is easy for Ben to pretend that is the truth.

Chewie returns with the first aid kit and hands it over to Han who digs through it to grab cream and bandages before holding out his hand for Ben to give one of his over.

“It’s not as good as bacta but it’ll at least stop it from turning into anything nasty,” Han explains as he applies the creams to the cuts on Ben’s hand before wrapping it up in the bandages.

“So where were you headed before we found you,” he says as he starts working on Ben’s feet.

“The Resistance base,” Finn says.

“What business do you have with the Resistance?” Han asks and he is looking at Ben with a flash of hurt in his eyes.

“The droid has a map to Luke Skywalker,” Finn continues and Ben finds himself sitting up because that doesn’t make sense. Nobody should need a map to find Luke – his uncle had always made sure he was easy enough to be found in case anyone needed guidance in the Force. Even while he was pregnant with Rey he had still ensured his duties as a Jedi was met, despite Han’s protests. Ben remembered going with him some times, to ease the concerns of parents with children who seemed to be showing signs of connection with the Force.

“What do you mean it has a map to Luke? Surely the Resistance already knows where he is?” when everyone else starts avoiding his eye contact he finds panic rising in him. “What happened to him?”

“Did you know him?” Finn asks, as if trying to soften horrible news.

“Yes. He was my-“ Uncle. Teacher. As much of a parent to Ben as Han and Leia had been. He feels the tears well up again but fights them back in order to look at his father with as clear eyes as he can maintain. “What happened? Tell me.”

His father avoids his gaze but Ben isn’t going to let him not answer the question. He lets the silence sit until Han finds his voice.

“He blamed himself for what happened.” Ben feels his heart plummet at the words but he isn’t going to interrupt – he has to know, no matter how much it pains him to hear. “Thought it was his fault you both were taken. His fault that they all died. I think it broke us all a little, but Luke took it the worst. The most personally. It was only a week later that he vanished. Told us he was going to look for answers somewhere in the galaxy and then broke off all contact. Nobody’s seen him since.”

“He’s a legend now,” Rey says, “half of the galaxy doesn’t even think he ever existed.”

“Oh, he existed, you can trust me on that,” Han says and Ben feels as if in another situation the statement would almost be half-joke. Of course Han Solo knew Luke Skywalker existed – he had fathered a child with him. Then something hits him. “You didn’t know the droid was carrying the map? But they did?”

“We met on Jakku,” Rey says but then it hits her as well, “but Finn knew BB-8 had the map.”

He knows she’s realised there is another part to the story now. Both Finn and Ben cannot be part of the Resistance if only one of them know what BB-8 had been carrying. Finn realises it too and he looks at Ben as if asking for permission to explain for them. Ben nods his assent.

“We met on The Finaliser. Ben was-“ Finn stops and Ben can see that he feels like it isn’t his story to tell. Which means it is Ben’s. He would have preferred not to have to voice it himself but he supposes Finn probably doesn’t know the full story himself. He wonders what Hux told those under him about Ben and the room.

“I was in the room Hux kept me in. Poe and Finn found me and we escaped together.”

His father’s eyes show grief at Ben’s words, but they don’t show surprise. It makes sense. In the life that Han Solo had lived he would have had a pretty good idea of what would happen to a captured or kidnapped omega. Ben doesn’t have to spell it out to his father. What he said is probably already more than enough for him to deal with.

“Poe?” his father says, “as in Poe Dameron?”

Ben nods. He wonders how much contact his father and Poe had over the years. Wonders if his father thinks of the man or teen when the name is mentioned. Ben can only think of the teen. Had only known the man for too short of a time.

“Where is he now?”

“He didn’t survive the crash onto Jakku.”

“Oh,” Han says and Ben watches a moment of grief flash across his face. “I’m sorry to hear that. He was a good kid.”

That doesn’t answer the question of when Han had last seen him.

“So where are you headed now?” Han asks. Ben knows that the question is actually aimed at Rey but Finn seems to take it as being aimed at him as well. The two of them share a look.

“The Resistance base – with BB-8,” Rey replies.

“We can take care of that now. I need to get Ben back to his mother anyway. She might actually have some bacta to fix these up,” he says, gesturing to Ben’s now covered hands and feet.

“We’re not just going to _leave_ BB-8 with you – Finn probably needs to go back to the Resistance himself anyway,” Rey protests and Finn apparently remembers the fact that, to Rey’s knowledge, he is still a part of the Resistance.

“Right – I have reports to fill out and… things,” Finn adds and Ben can already tell that his father knows Finn isn’t actually a part of the Resistance. He wonders how long he will play the game of pretending he doesn’t know for.

Han gives a snort. “Fine. I’ll take you two along as thanks for-“ Han stops and looks at Ben, and it is clear what he was going to finish the sentence with. “As thanks. After that though, you’re on your own.”

“That’s fine,” Rey says, apparently taking the comment as only being aimed at her. “I can find my own way home.”

Finn merely nods when Rey isn’t looking and that just makes Han raise an eyebrow at him.

“Good,” Han says and he goes to say something else before the sound of distant movement echoes through the larger ship. “Don’t tell me a Rathtar’s gotten out?”


	8. Why did it have to be Rathtars?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was the first ‘hurdle’ of the fic. Hopefully I did a good job of it. 
> 
> Next chapter is probably going to be just on the Falcon as they head to Maz – not at all because I would like a breather before the second (and TBH greater) hurdle of the fic. Actually, it’s not, I just feel like we need a bit more conversation and ‘lull’ time before we get back to the like 1000miles-per-hour plots. 
> 
> Also I think this chapter title is the most tongue-in-cheek so far. Oh well I like it too much to want to change it.

“Did you just say Rathtars?” Finn asks, and Ben tries to dig up the connection to the name that pings in his mind. He hasn’t had to think much about such things for years, and bestiaries were _too grizzly_ reading for an omega.

Han ignores Finn’s question and instead quickly moves out of the Falcon. Ben jumps down from the crates he had been sitting on to follow him. Pain shoots up his feet when he lands, but it isn’t as bad as it had been previously, the padding of the bandages giving some protection against the grates of the ship biting into his feet.

Walking still hurts, but he is able to push through it in order to follow his father. He isn’t about to let him out of his sight. Not when he has just gotten him back.

Finn and Rey follow him, sticking close. He wonders if they are waiting for an external threat or for him to collapse. Either way he is sure they are primed to react.

The freighter they exit the Falcon into is large. Ben can’t even begin to estimate the size, and feels too uncertain about his spacial-awareness to compare it to Hux’s ship. If he is completely honest he can barely contrast it to Jakku. Everything feels large to him after the room, and his brain struggles to process empty space in the way it used to. He used to have a pilots awareness of it, able to tell exactly how much room his ship needed to mauver and how much the area had. Now everything seems to be categorised as ‘small’ or ‘big’ with no real understanding of either.

The ship is much dirtier than the Hux’s, and there isn’t any sterile whiteness about it. Instead it is grey and dark and dirty and exactly the kind of place Ben expects his father to exist within.

Despite the danger inherent in it he can’t help but feel like he is falling back into his old life. Despite the danger he can’t help but feeling relief.  

His father is standing over a control panel, and Finn picks up his pace to reach him first. “You’re not hauling Rathtar’s on this freighter are you?” he asks, hand coming to grip onto Han’s arm as if to force him to pay attention to him this time.

“I’m hauling Rathtars,” Han says with a complete ease that Ben honestly isn’t surprised about. His father was never one to live an easy or safe life. “Oh great. It’s the Guavian Death Gang – they must’ve traced us from Nantoon.”

Han turns around and glances between the three of them and the Falcon. Ben guesses that he’s trying to figure out where would be safer for them – back hidden on the Falcon or with him. Ben goes to protest. To point out that they had survived Jakku, and the First Order trying to capture them on there. That compared to that, a gang is nothing. However his father apparently makes his decision before Ben has a chance.

“Come on,” Han says before walking through one of the doorways in the hanger. The four of them have little choice but to follow.

“What’s a Rathtar?” Rey asks as they make their way into a corridor of the ship and Ben keeps raking his brain trying to find where in his past the name matches up to.  

“They’re big and their dangerous,” Han says, glancing back at both Ben and Rey. His father sees the same thing Ben does in Rey’s features, which again raises the hope within him. Surely a father should be able to recognise his child compared to some other whom merely has similar features?

He knows Han wouldn’t have stayed quiet on the matter if he knew definitively she was his daughter. His father has the same doubts Ben does. Or maybe he knows it isn’t her, and is suffering from the same instinct as Ben despite it. The need to protect her because of the person she reminds them of rather than believing it to be a possible reality.

“You ever heard of the Trillian Massacre?” Finn asks. That name brings no recognition in Ben’s mind, which frustrates him because he swears he remembers Rathtars from somewhere.

“No.”

“Good.” That is apparently all the explanation Finn is willing to give.

“I got three of them going to King Prana,” Han says, rattling off his inventory in the same way he would any other item. As if there is no difference between them apart from the money that will be paid for the transaction. Ben figures that within his father’s mind there isn’t any difference. He knows Han has some rules for what he will and will not transfer but past those everything is just a means to a pay check.

“Three? How’d you get them on board?” Finn asks, and Ben can tell that he is panicking. He supposes he should be as well, but all he can think of is childhood memories with his father and uncle and trips that were likely much too dangerous for a seven year old to be taking a part of that turned out okay in the end.

“I used to have a bigger crew,” Han says and Ben hopes he is joking.

Han stops in the middle of the corridor and Chewie opens up a hatch in the floor, leading to a second level underneath.

“Get below deck and stay there until I say so.” Han’s tone is one that offers no room for argument, despite the fact Ben feels like it should be met with one. His father’s eyes are heavy with concern, and Ben’s brain is still too busy reeling from everything to think of a suitable cutting retort like the one’s his mother had always been so good at throwing.

“What about the Rathtars? Where are you keeping them?” Finn asks, and, as if right on cue, something tries to lunge at the door behind him. Ben’s heart stops for a moment but he has a feeling that it isn’t just his.

“There’s one,” Han says, and Ben can see that this time his nonchalance is a bluff. “Now, go on, we probably don’t have much time until they’re in here.”

Finn seems to want to protest but the sound of thudding coming through the ship stops him. He is the first to clamber down the hatch, helping Ben climb down as well. Rey follows soon after. However before they have a chance to get BB-8 down as well a noise notifies them all just how close the gang is to where they are.

“Chewie – close the hatch,” Han says, and Chewie gives a roar in acknowledgement.

“What about BB-8?” Rey asks.

“He’ll have to stay with me until I can get rid of the gang.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Same thing I always do: talk my way out of it,” Han says, and, as the hatch shuts above them, Ben knows that Han isn’t going to be able to solve it by himself. No matter how much his father thought himself to be one, he had never been a negotiator. Sure, he was good at bullshit, but it only ever got him so far before he needed to rely on his other skills to get out of trouble. It was a fact Ben had learned at an incredibly young age.

“We have to do something,” he whispers to Finn and Rey.

“What?” Rey asks, in the same quiet tone.

“Something, anything.” If they leave it in his father’s hands there is no way for it not to end up in a firefight.

Rey stares at him for a minute as if she is baffled at his apparently distrust in Han. He wonders what sort of family she came from and figures it mustn’t have involved a father like his.

Rey turns her attention to Finn. “Can you see them?”

“No.”

The three of them crawl through the limited space they have as Han and the gang talk above. As much as Ben is grateful to have his weight off his feet and onto his knees, he finds his hands hurt from their new requirement to bare some of it. Still, he supposes it would only be worse had they not been bandaged.

“They have blasters,” Rey whispers when they manage to get into a position that allows them to see the newcomers to the ship. Ben’s knees are already protesting the weight now placed on them, having apparently taken damage themselves during the events on Jakku and lacking the bandages that now somewhat protect his hands and feet.

“A lot of them,” Finn adds. Ben isn’t surprised at the number of weapons the gang carries. He remembers enough about the lawless groups of the galaxy to know that they were not ones to be lightly armed. He finds it almost funny that an ex-Stormtrooper thinks the number a lot.

“We have to do something,” Ben once again reminds them.

“What can we do?” Finn replies and they hear the sound of another door in the ship above opening.

“I have an idea,” Rey says and she starts making her way in the opposite direction, giving Finn and Ben no choice but to follow.

They freeze when one of the gangs recognises BB-8 and suddenly Ben doesn’t feel as safe anymore. Sure, he’s with his father and he knows his father will do anything to protect him. He also knows how determined Hux will be in finding him. He wonders if his father can really do anything to stop Hux and the First Order.

When they hear the order to search the freighter Rey’s jaw squares and her crawl speed increases as she makes her way to a junction box, where she settles and assesses it.

“What are you doing?” Finn asks, between glances at the conversation going on above as if waiting for them to be suddenly found.

“If we close the blast doors in the corridor we can trap both gangs,” Rey replies, which of course, will at the very least buy them some time.

“Close the blast doors from here?” Finn asks.

“Resetting the fuses should do it,” Rey says before pressing down on some of the fuses. They hear the sound of a doors opening within the ship, but even Ben can tell they aren’t the ones above their heads. “Oh no.”

“Oh no what?”

“Wrong fuses.”

The sound of blaster-fire and screams fill the air above them and the three of them stare at each other in terror.

The Rathtars are loose.

“Get to the Falcon,” Ben tells them, not even bothering to try and muffle his voice. He doubts the people above them are going to hear them, or even be listening for anything other than the sound of the monsters that are trying to eat them.

“Why?” Rey asks.

“Because we need to get off this ship!” His remembers why Rathtars were familiar to his brain, and knows there isn’t much luck in fighting them unless you have some very heavy fire power or a lightsaber. He remembers a story Luke had told him and Rey many years ago, when Ben was probably too old for such stories and Rey possibly too young, of a Rathtar that had been terrorising a village they had gone to visit in the search of an apparently Force-sensitive child. Upon finding out Luke was a Jedi the villagers had begged him to deal with the beast, and, against Han’s protests otherwise Luke had done so. He had told the two children listening to him about Han’s attempts to shoot the thing when he inevitable followed Luke into the cave it had decided to be its home. Told them how none of the blaster-bolts had done much damage and that Luke had to carve the Rathtar up with his lightsaber in order to kill it. They had later learned that blaster bolts would always be useless against a Rathtar and that you needed something of at least a canons level to take one down. Ben remembers his father grumbling about hating the things when he came into the room, catching the end of the story, and remembers Luke’s teasing comment that they weren’t that bad.

Ben wishes he had his uncle there with them. Or, at the very least, his lightsaber.

There is no lightsaber with them, and he doubts they can easily find enough firepower to take even one of the Rathtars down. Which leaves only one other option: get away. Leave the vessel to drift through space carrying the monsters and slip away on the much smaller vessel that is currently parked in it.

“This was a mistake!” Finn points out as the three of them crawl through the limited space they have in a direction they hope to be one leading to the hanger.

“Huge!” Rey agrees.

They find a hatch in the ship to get them out from the underneath of it and Ben’s feet once again protest the weight of his body being placed on them. He ignores it though. He doesn’t have time to slow down if he wants to survive.

“What do they look like?” Rey asks, and Ben remembers his own curiosity long ago about that very fact. Luke’s description of them had been lacking in detail – all they had got was: large, with a giant mouth filled with teeth and plenty of tentacles to grab their prey with. Now, however, he finds himself not wanting to know what they look like ever in his life.

Upon turning a corner Ben finds that the description Luke had given summed them up accurately.

“They look like that,” Finn says, pointing weakly at it before they quickly back up and turn another corner only to find another one.

“This way!” Finn yells and takes off in the only other direction they have available to them.

There are too many of them, Ben realises. They have to do something to cripple them if they want to have any chance of reaching the Falcon and getting off the ship.

Ben’s feet burn and he swears the grates of the ship are tearing through the bandages that wrap them. He doesn’t know if he will be able to keep going if they managed to tear completely and he has to take the heavy steps on bare feet.

They barely make a few steps around the corner before the tentacles of one of the Rathtars wraps around Finn and drags him back.

“Finn!” The name is yelled by both him and Rey and Ben finds his heart stops completely. It isn’t fair. The two people that saved him and helped him get away from Hux didn’t deserve to die because of their very actions in doing that.

Rey starts running towards Finn and the Rathtar and Ben follows behind with intent to stop her. He has to get her to the Falcon and get them off the freighter. If he doesn’t then they will all die and his uncle will remain lost to the galaxy.

He stops when they pass a control panel. The doors of the Freighter seem strong. He wonders how well the Rathtar’s long limbs would do when met with one of them. His feet feel like they are on fire from only the cuts and burns on them, he cannot imagine what it would feel like to have them cut off.

“Rey!” He calls after her and she glances back at him before focusing on where the Rathtar vanished with Finn. A double-take and she’s made her way to the panel itself, apparently having caught onto his idea.

They both watch the screens, Rey’s hand hovering, ready to slam down onto the switch at the right time. The Rathtar drags Finn through the freighter until finally it reaches a door – with its body on one side and the tentacles holding Finn on the other Rey slams her hand on the button.

Ben holds his breath as the doors slam shut terrified there isn’t enough power in them to cut through the Rathtar’s tentacles. Apparently there is, and the Rathtar screams in pain. Ben cannot help but wince in sympathy.

He and Rey manage to share a small smile at their victory, as minor as it may be, before they race off to where Finn is.

“It had me! But the door-“

“That was lucky!” Rey says although Ben doesn’t think she realises just how lucky they are that the hydraulics of the ship were powerful enough to cut through the Rathtar’s flesh. If they hadn’t of been there wouldn’t have been any hope of getting Finn back.

They run until they find the Falcon.

His father apparently had the same plan.

“Get on!” Han yells the second he sees them and Ben is sure even his mother wouldn’t have protested that order.

“You close the door behind us,” Han adds, pointing to Rey, before looking at Finn, “and you take care of Chewie.”

Chewie gives a roar of pain when he is passed to Finn and it is only then that Ben realises that he is injured.

He knows he couldn’t possible help bare the weight of a Wookie but he gathers the first aid kit that had originally been intended for him so that the second Finn manages to get Chewie onto one of the benches of the ship he already has the bandages ready.

“Hang on in there!” Han calls, and Ben waits for whatever it is his father plans to do in order to get them out of there. He has no doubt about them getting out of there – with Han Solo piloting the Millennium Falcon he knows it is possible.

The jump to hyper-speed hits faster than he expects and despite the fact it sends him sprawling he knows that it means they have made it off the freighter and back into the vastness of space.


	9. Harsh Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So rewatching the scene I realised I had already covered half of it previously. Oh well, I still had the other half plus some additional things I wanted to place here to fill up a chapter. Also the trip takes longer. Why? Because I needed it to in order to get the other stuff covered. 
> 
> Also I think it’s better to cut where I have and have the landing on the planet and trip to Maz’s castle for a separate chapter... hopefully I don’t regret doing that and have it end up tiny on me. 
> 
> And in case it wasn’t clear already this chapter will make it so – I have slightly different plans to the canon for how this goes after the main events of the movies. So you know, look forward to that or whatever.

There is bickering in the cockpit and Finn has taken the first aid kit off him in order to try and patch up Chewie. Everything feels like it is in chaos and Ben finds himself quickly giving up trying to process any of it. He gives up trying to process anything and collapses onto the lounge, allowing himself to drift off into the exhaustion that once again hits him.

He manages to refocus his attention when his father leaves the cockpit. Han checking on Chewie first before grabbing the first aid kit from Finn. “You did good kid. I’ll take it from here.”

Finn doesn’t argue it, and ends up awkwardly sitting on one of the other seats. Ben realises it’s likely the first time he’s been truly idle since this all started. Realises he probably feels just as overloaded with it all as Ben does.

Han sits down in front of the lounge Ben has claimed and once again gently reaches out for one of his hands. This time unwrapping the damaged bandages before reapplying the cream and then rewrapping them. Ben wonders how much more gauze the first aid kit holds after the amount that had been used on both him and Chewie. He wonders if his bandages will be able to be changed again before they reach his mother or if the supplies will run out.

“The girl you found. She’s good,” Han says as he works.

“You should tell her that.” He knows what his father is like. He is surprised Finn managed to get a compliment out of him, and does momentarily wonder if Han has gone soft over time. He doubts his father would ever go soft enough to admit someone else might be as good with the Falcon as he is.

His father gives him a look and Ben swears he can hear him mutter under his breath something about, ‘ _being too damned similar to his mother_ ,’ before Han acknowledges the two that had helped him escape once Rey joins them in the room. “I don’t think I ever got either of your names.”

“Finn.”

“Rey.”

His father’s hand still in their work at Rey’s name and his eyes quickly hone on Ben’s face. Not that Ben is all that surprised. He knew his father would have some reaction upon hearing her name. Knew he had seen the same thing Ben had seen in her features and the name is just another taunt at the possibility of Rey being _her_.

Ben shuts his eyes in an attempt to stop himself from crying. He knows his father wants him to have some miraculous story about his sister surviving and him finding her. The Force calling them together like it had his uncle and mother. He knows it because it is the same story he wishes he could tell. His senses are blunted to nothing though, and it all just seems too unlikely of a coincidence for it to really be her.

The silence sits too long and when he opens his eyes his father is still staring at him, desperate for answers that he doesn’t want to give. Especially not while Rey is standing right there – it isn’t fair to tell her about the girl she reminds them of. Isn’t fair to force her to have to endure their grief.

He glances towards the two of them and back at his father and is grateful when Han quickly gets the message.

“Right. Well I need to have a conversation with my son in private. So I need you two to leave the room for a bit,” his father says, gesturing towards one of the doors leading out of the room. Ben has a feeling his father doesn’t particularly care where they go in the ship so long as it is out of earshot.

“What!?” Rey says in protest.

“Ben?” Finn looks at him, waiting for a cue. Waiting to know if Ben wants them to leave or not.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry but please?”

Finn gives a nod before gently grabbing onto Rey’s arm. “Come on,” he says and she looks like she’s about to protest again but swallows it down and gives a nod.

“Call us when you want us back,” Finn says and the two of them disappear into the ship.

The three of them watch where they left for a few seconds before Han’s attention returns back onto Ben.

“It can’t be her.” He knows the question his father was going to ask and sees little reason to avoid answering it for any longer. It is going to hurt the same amount, saying it now as it will in five minutes time. Still, he pulls his legs up and curls around them. An attempt to protect himself from the pain he knows he’s about to feel. “Hux said she died. Said I was the only hope at continuing my family’s bloodline.”

Chewie gives a mournful cry and he can see the anger in his father’s eyes. Can see the anger and pain at the confirmation of what Han had already concluded, both when Ben told him about the room Hux kept him in and, likely years before that, when he first found out about Ben’s capture.

“There aren’t any grandchildren I need to go rescue?” Han asks and Ben knows that the humour in it is a desperate attempt to hide the pain. An attempt to lighten it in order to make it more easily processed for them both. To make the conversation as painless as possible.

“No. I never conceived.” The negative results had become so common he had long became numb to the idea of a positive one.

“Ben. I’m sorry,” his father says, and his hand comes out to gently hold one of Ben’s newly re-bandage ones.

“Don’t be. I didn’t want to get pregnant.” That had almost been the worst part of the first years. The fear that the test result would come back positive and he would be forced to carry a child conceived by Hux. A fear of pregnancy and everything that went with it. Even before he had been captured he had never wanted to carry a child. To be forced to live in constant anticipation had been torture, and one that at least dwindled over the years as it became more and more clear that his body was broken and unwilling to conceive the child he had been captured for.

“I’m sorry about everything that happened. You shouldn’t of had to go through that. I should have done a better a better job of protecting you.” There is a wetness to Han’s voice and Ben can see the tears gathered in his father’s eyes.

“Don’t. It wasn’t your fault.” He knows his own eyes are just as filled with tears, threatening to overflow at any moment.

“Ben, I promised myself I wouldn’t let anything happen to any of you. And I failed. All of you. Kriff, I did such a rubbish job at it. The one thing I told myself I would do no matter what and I failed it.”

“Don’t.” The levee breaks and the tears start streaming down his face.

“I’m sorry. This isn’t about me, I know.” His father says, rubbing his own tears away. “I wish I could go back and stop it from happening.”

“You can’t.” There was no changing the past, no matter how desperately one wanted to.

“No I can’t,” his father agrees, “but I’m not letting the bastards have you back and I’m sure not going to leave you anywhere where I can’t be there to protect you.”

Chewie gives a roar in agreement, and Ben resists the urge to point out that had his father been there that night he would likely have died against the force the First Order had brought. He doesn’t want to really think about that fact, or the idea that he knows his father and uncle would have died trying to protect him and not think twice about it.

Han keeps whipping away his tears and Ben finds himself following his cue. They both know the conversation is far from over but Ben doubts either of them can endure much more of it.

His father stands, and goes over to where Finn and Rey had disappeared deeper into the ship. “Alright you two, you can come back now,” he calls and soon enough they reappear.

“Are you okay?” Finn asks as Ben keeps mopping up his tears with his already stained shawl.

“I will be.”

“So fugitives, huh? You sure you know what you’re getting into?” Han says, breaking the awkward silence that quickly fills around them.

“The First Order wants the map and Ben, Finn is with the Resistance, and I’m just a scavenger,” Rey lists off and Han shoots Finn a sceptical look at his position which causes Finn to quickly avert his gaze. Ben finds himself feeling slightly better watching it, and wonders just how much longer his father will last before calling Finn out.

“Let’s see what you’ve got,” Han says to BB-8 who looks over at Rey.

“Go ahead,” she encourages and the droid rolls into the centre of the room projecting the holographic that has been stored within it. What is shows isn’t like any map Ben remembers. Instead it is a distorted image. As if someone had taken the original map, carved it up, and put the pieces back into a random order.

“Why’s it like that?” Rey asks, frowning in confusion.

“It’s encrypted,” Han replies, walking forward to stand in the middle of the distorted image. “Apparently Luke didn’t want to be found by just anybody.”

“Where do you think he went?” Finn asks, and it is a fair enough question. If anyone knew where Ben’s uncle was it would be his father or mother. Ben knows that neither of them would have left Luke to hide out for so long if they did know where he was. Not with the First Order becoming what it had became.

“There’re a lot of rumours. Stories. The people who knew him the best think he went looking for the first Jedi temple.”

“The Jedi were real?” Rey asks with such wonder in her voice, and once again Ben’s heart clenches for the girl she reminds him of. The idea that Rey Skywalker could grow up without knowing about the Jedi is a painful one.

Han looks at him as he replies. “I used to wonder that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo – magical power holding together good, evil, the dark side and the light.” Ben remembers being young, before Rey was even born; listening to his uncle teasing his father about his disbelief in the existence of the Force and it’s power, and how not only had he been wrong but that his child had gained the very powers he didn’t believe in. “Crazy thing is, it’s true. The Force, the Jedi, all of it. It’s true.”

“How do you know?” Rey asks.

“’cause he’s one of them.”

“Was,” Ben corrects instantly. “I was training to be a Jedi, but I haven’t had contact with the Force for 15 years. Hux took it from me.”

Ben can see the information seek into his father and the emotions that respond to it – more pain, more anger. Finn beats him to vocalisation though.

“Is that what Poe meant when he said you could prevent us from being caught?”

Ben nods in response and his father quickly takes his turn.

“What do you mean you haven’t had contact with the Force for 15 years!?”

“The ‘Supreme Leader’ said it wasn’t right for an omega to have control of the Force, so Hux ordered me to be cut off from it.” He remembers how deafening silent it had been after the first injection. How he felt like someone had shoved a bag over his head and blocked his ears, everything dulling quickly. It had taken him months to get used to it, the inability to feel the stream that connected every living and unliving thing together. The inability to feel his family, faded as they already were, within it. The inability to feel even himself fully anymore.

His father seems to be reeling from the news but his rage soon finds its voice. “The kriffing bastard! Omegas shouldn’t have control of the Force!? Well I have news for him: I have met a few Force users in my time and the four best I’ve known have all been omegas. And then to decide to just cut you off from it because of that!? I want to meet this ‘Supreme Leader’ and have a very short conversation with him involving my blaster.” Ben watches as the anger burns out of his father and Han’s attention is fully on him. “You still don’t have connection do you?”

“No,” Ben replies and apparently it is too much for Chewie, who, after another distressed roar, pulls himself up from where he has been resting to cross the room and over to sit down next to Ben, pulling him into a hug. Honestly, Ben is grateful for the comfort.

“Will you be able to get it back?” Rey asks. “Your connection to it, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” Ben replies, “they kept administering the injections so I guess they’ll probably wear off but...” after 15 years of them his body might not be able to reconnect even once they wear off. He realises that he might never regain his connection to the Force. That his family’s legacy might not even continue in him.

“Ben, we’ll figure something out. I’ll get you to your mother and we’ll find Luke and we will figure something out.” There isn’t any alternative in his father’s mind and despite the fact Ben isn’t entirely convinced that there will be a solution should the injections have destroyed his connection to the force irreversibly he nods. He does hope his father is right, but he has also learned how to live without it over the 15 years.

An alarm rings on the control station and Han goes over to check it. BB-8 seems to take the cue to mean that they are finished with the map and turns the projection off.

“Where are we going?” Rey asks and Ben realises that they never told Han where the Resistance Base is. He wonders if his father knows where it is without having to be told. He has a sinking feeling he doesn’t.

“Gotta’ see an old friend first before I can take you lot to the Resistance.  This ship is too well known, and if I was able to track it there are probably a lot of others who can as well. Maz’ll be able to get us a clean ship. I’m not about to lead the First Order to the Resistance or have them able to track us for any longer than I have to.”

There is a part of Ben that doesn’t want to leave the Falcon. It is too familiar and makes him feel too safe and like he is home. He feels like being anywhere else is only going to lead to danger. His father is right though, and if the Falcon can be tracked then, so long as they are on it, so can they. As much as it pains him they will have to leave it behind.

“Come on,” Han says, making his way into the cockpit, “this is our stop.”


	10. Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know I’m a bitch for ending it where I did. I did just want this chapter to get me to Maz’s place sooo… 
> 
> Next few chapters are going to be a challenge for me. So we are all going to pray that I don’t fuck them up horrible. After that though I think we’re home clear to the end of the movie and I’m pretty sure I have at least the first planet after that sorted out in my head. Just got to get through the next hard bit and then I’ll have a bit of a break. 
> 
> I feel like the name of this chapter is a bit of a cop-out, but on the other hand it fits really well. Eh, I’ll try and do better next chapter.

They all follow Han up into the cockpit, filling the space easily as he works on landing the Falcon.

They drop out of hyperspace and even from the distance Ben can tell it is a lush planet. One filled with life, rich in plants and animals. He wishes he still had his connection with the Force. He remembers how planets like that feel in the Force – teeming with energy and life. He finds himself expecting it as they move closer and closer. The beacon it would become in the vastness of space.

There is nothing though. Nothing he can feel apart from the relief at seeing something like it again. Something that isn’t sterile or barren. Something that is green and full.

“I didn’t know there was this much green in the whole galaxy,” Rey says so quietly, more an admission to herself than something intended to be heard.

Ben always knew there was that much green in the galaxy and even years of being trapped in a white room hasn’t made him forget. He can’t imagine not knowing that it existed but he understands that a place like Jakku provides little in ways of showing the vast arrays of flora and fauna in the galaxy. Still, the idea pains him. Being cut off from it for 15 years is bad enough to him. He cannot imagine never knowing it was out there at all.

A look at his father tells him Han is feeling the same pain. Ben wonders if his father would be okay with taking him and Rey around to some of the planets in the galaxy that show off the variety that exists. He wants to see them. To remind himself that it all is still there. That it hasn’t been purged while he was captured. He wants to show Rey it all as well. To show her that there is more than sand and wrecked ships out there.

He’ll ask his father later. For now he is happy to see something other than white or yellow or grey. Happy to see green again.

The ship lands and Rey is quickly to her feet and rushing through it towards the exit. The excitement at actually stepping foot on the planet clearly too much for her.

Ben understands the sentiment.

There is a part of him that wants to race out as well. To breathe in the forest air and hear the sounds of animals surrounding him. He can’t feel it with the Force but he can still experience it. Can still surround himself in it all and know that he isn’t under Hux’s capture or control anymore. That he is back within the vastness of the galaxy. A part of the life that is it all.

He doesn’t want to leave the Falcon just yet. Doesn’t want to leave behind the safety-filled nostalgia that is the ship despite the fact he knows it isn’t actually that safe currently if they are able to be tracked as his father says. So he finds himself dwelling in it, despite the call of the world outside.

“Ben,” his father calls, fiddling with some control panel. Ben remembers enough to know that it isn’t something actually needed for landing so his father is clearly stalling in order to have a conversation with him alone. Ben hopes it isn’t something to do with what happened to him. He still feels raw from the previous conversation. “You’re alpha friend. He’s not actually Resistance is he?”

“No.” Honestly he is relieved at that topic of conversation, however it still feels slightly awkward. He doesn’t know if it is his secret to tell but he knows his father will not let up until he has figured out just how trustworthy Finn is. “He was a Stormtrooper.”

“A Stormtrooper!?” his father sputters, and Ben understands the surprise. In all the stories from his childhood Stormtroopers were the almost brainless lackeys of the Empire. Blindly loyal, and more often than not, easily defeated. He struggles to equate that image with what he knows of Finn. He knows his father now considers Finn a threat.

“He’s not like them. He helped us escape.” Sure Finn hadn’t been exactly for the idea of taking Ben with him and Poe, but he had relented easily all things considered and after they had landed in Jakku done nothing but help Ben. Despite the fact he would have been a lot better off to just leave him and prioritise himself. “He’s done nothing but help me.”

“A Stormtrooper,” Han repeats as if trying to get his brain around the idea. “No wonder he’s running scared. Go on now, you need the fresh air. I still have some things to grab.”

And a conversation to have with Finn no doubt, who, as far as Ben is aware, is still in the cockpit. “Don’t be too harsh on him.”

Han snorts, “I won’t. Not entirely sure if I still trust him but he seems okay so far. I’m still gonna’ keep an eye on him though.” Ben has a feeling his father would do that regardless of where Finn had come from.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” his father says sarcastically but the smile on his face proves it is all a joke. A comfortable repeat of conversations they had in the past of Ben asking favours of the parent most likely to say yes. “Now go on. Fresh air – you need it.”

His father is probably right. It has been too long since Ben last breathed air that wasn’t either recycled through a ship’s system. And the sand filled air of Jakku hardly counts. He has stalled long enough. He needs to leave the Falcon.

He finds himself frozen on the precipice. The metal of the Falcon still underneath his bandaged feet, and the grass only footsteps away.

He can’t say that he has been on this planet in his past. He had been on a lot of planets as a child, and likely lost most of them from his memory in the years he has been removed from the galaxy. He remembers being on a planet like this one though. Remembers planets like it both from when he was a young boy, and older, after he had started his training, travelling with his uncle as he was needed. He remembers running through the grass and forests in places like this. Remembers meditating in places like this. Remembers temporarily living in places like this during the parts of his life where his family was constantly moving, the space around the Falcon becoming his yard and playground for the weeks or months they were there.

The memories are old though, and he realises tainted with nostalgia. The air isn’t quite as clean as he remembers it to be and the forest not as inviting, but it is still fresh air, and it is still lush forest and grass.

He steps out onto the grass. The bandages on his feet stop him from being able to feel it on his toes like he expects. He knows it is probably for the best, had learned in childhood that soft grass can hide prickles and thorns. His feet have suffered enough without those being stuck into them. Still, he wishes he could feel the grass underfoot.

Rey stands closer towards the clearing of the forest, facing the castle in the distance, apparently frozen in her awe at it all. He makes his way over to her, feeling the ground softly flatten under his feet. So different from the unsteady sand of Jakku and harsh metal of the ships.

 “I would never have believed a place like this existed,” Rey says, her breath caught in her throat and Ben honestly fears for a second she is going to cry. She doesn’t seem to actually be about to though, just caught up in the amazement at the view in front of her.

He can’t fully understand but he has some idea. After 15 years he feels wonderful to be back on a planet like this one. To be back on a place so green and vibrant, seeing a building both old and alive.

“There are a lot of others like it.”

“Really?” Rey says, and seems hardly able to believe him.

“Yes. Lots more, and others that are different again.”

“I want to see them all,” Rey says before catching herself. “Afterwards. I still have to go back to Jakku.”

He doesn’t get a chance to reply before the sound of footsteps descending from the Falcon draws both their attention. Its Han, a bundle of cloth in hand that Ben has a feeling is a jacket. He makes his way over to them and hands Rey a blaster from it. “Here, you might need this.”

“I can handle myself,” Rey says, and Ben knows it is true. Has seen how true it is. Despite the fact he feels protective of her because of the sister she reminds him of he knows she is more capable in a fight then he is currently. He knows it isn’t what his father is implying.

“I know you do. That’s why I’m giving it to you. Take it,” Rey tasks the blaster, and seems honestly amazed to have one in her hand. Even after the 15 years Ben still finds it weird to think of an adult in the galaxy that doesn’t know their way around one of them. Especially one who grew up on a planet like Jakku. His father eyes her wearily, apparently having the same concerns. “You know how to use one of those?”

“Yeah you pull the trigger.” Rey aims it at something in the distance and closes one eye and Ben has to stifle a laugh at it. As much as he remembers the theory behind it he is sure if his father handed him one he’d be just as ridiculous, his hands having lost the physical memory of how to handle it.

“There’s a little bit more to it than that,” Han says, gently pushing the blaster in Rey’s hand down so she is no longer aiming it towards anything. He turns his attention to Ben and pulls a second blaster out from the bundle, but hands he bundle over instead. It’s a jacket as Ben predicted. “Here, put it on.”

It is one of his old ones. Apparently unburied from wherever it ended up the in Falcon, the stale scent of the ship present in it as well. The leather of it is soft though, and it is comfortable on despite Ben’s want to curl his nose at the scent. The second blaster gets handed to him afterwards. “You remember how to use it.”

“The theory of it, yes.” It is strange to hold a blaster again after so long. He remembers the weight, but it is a long way back in time that his mind has to drag the memory from. His mind knows how to use it but it is similarly from so long ago that he is sure his skills are less than what they were.

“You’ll be back in practice in no time,” his father says as if it is a surety. As if he has no doubt that, at least in this one thing, Ben can return to the skills he held in the past.

When a frown crosses Han’s face Ben wonders what could have trigger an unpleasant thought, however that idea is pushed from his brain when his father returns his attention back onto Rey. “What are you planning on doing once we get BB-8 to the Resistance?”

“Go back to Jakku.”

Han’s lips thin and to Ben it is clear he doesn’t like that idea. Ben doesn’t either. Even from his brief time on the planet he knows Jakku is far from the most pleasant places to be. He likes Rey, wants the best for her – not only because of the girl she reminds him of but because of the person he knows she is. Jakku isn’t ever going to give that to her.

“What do you think about sticking around? I could use some more crew. Someone to help out. Someone who can keep up with Chewie and me. Appreciates the Falcon.”

“You’re offering me a job?” Rey says, with a frown of her own. “But what about Ben?”

Apparently she thinks Han is pushing Ben aside in favour of her. He supposes it should feel that way, but it doesn’t. He likes the idea of her being around too much. Of knowing she isn’t going to go back to Jakku and never to be seen by him again.

“I’m taking him to his mother so he can heal. After that, he can join us if he wants as well. The Falcon’s taken four before.” If Ben remembers correctly it’s after that the ship starts feeling crowded. As a child if it was his whole family plus Lando then things would start feeling like they were living on top of each other, his father getting edgy from it and snapping at anyone who he could. As a teen it was him who pushed it a bit too far, requiring more space than a child and making the ship feel cramped when there wasn’t a planet outside to escape to. “Well?”

“I’m flattered. But I have to get home.”

“Why?” Ben knows it isn’t any of his business but he can’t help the curiosity at what exactly it is about Jakku that makes Rey so reluctant to leave it.

“I’ve already been away long enough,” is all Rey gives in explanation.

Ben can see Finn coming out from the ship and making his way over to them out of the corner of his eye. Joining the conversation at the last minute and too late to really take part or be acknowledged.  

“Too bad,” Han says, accepting that as enough justification for denial. Ben figures it probably is. She doesn’t have to give them a reason. “Chewie, check out the ship as best you can. Come on, we have to go.”

They head towards the castle, and as it comes closer Ben finds himself trying to take in every element of it. It is cluttered and bright, despite the old stone that makes up its building with flags hung around and a giant statute standing over them as they enter. It is nothing like anything the First Order would build, and reminds Ben of the sort of places his uncle and father gravitated towards. Busy both in visual and people – a clash of as many different culture as can be crammed into one space.

Finn looks unsure of it. Which makes sense when Ben considers the fact he came from the First Order’s ranks.

“If we want to get a clean ship and to the Resistance, Maz Kanata is our best bet,” Han explains as they get closer.

“We can trust her, right?” Finn asks, and Ben is right in his assessment of him being unsure.

“Relax kid. She’s run this watering hole for thousands of years. Maz is a bit of an acquired taste, so let me do the talking. And whatever you do, don’t stare.”

“At what?” Both Rey and Finn ask and Ben is once again struck by how different his childhood had been to theirs. He knows these rules from when he had been a kid and too curious for his own good – his parents warning him and then dragging him back to their protection when he inevitably ignored them.

“Any of it.”

The doors open and Ben finds himself trying to keep his breathing calm. Sure he remembers places like this from his childhood. Grew up with them and had more experience with them by age 10 than many in the galaxy did in their lifetimes. That had been a long time ago and suddenly it feels like too much. Too loud. Too crowded. Too many things going on that his mind can’t seem to focus on any of it. He is now used to the quiet sterile white of the room Hux had kept him in. Jakku had been tough on his senses. This is almost too much.

Finn looks like he’s about to run. Ben thinks he might be joining him.

“You’re okay,” Han says, and Ben is fairly sure he’s talking to him. He knows he is okay but his mind is still reeling, senses in overload at everything they have to process. He tries to keep his breathing even, glad that he at least kept up on the breathing techniques Luke had taught him over the years. His heart still beats much too fast and he feels more alert than he had been even while running from the Rathtars, but he keeps breathing. Trying to keep the panic at bay enough for them to actually get what they need done. A place like this isn’t the sort you want to have a panic attack in.


	11. Freedom is Like a Peach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone doesn’t get the title a peach is a sweet fruit but the seeds of it make cyanide. I’m trying to be clever again. 
> 
> Fruits are actually canon fruits. I did research for this fic and everything! 
> 
> Warnings: mention of past suicidal thoughts

“Han Solo!”

The voice rings out clear and all the other sounds stop. Yet Ben cannot seem to get himself to calm. There is just too many smells. Too many beings around even if they aren’t making noise. And they are staring at them. Staring at him. No. His father. No. Him. He can’t take it. He wants to go back.

“Take him outside,” his father says but he doesn’t know to whom. He knows it’s likely Finn and Rey but still. All his focus is on keeping himself breathing. He can’t even look at whose hand is on his back gently guiding him outside the building.

“Hey, you okay?” It’s Finn asking, hands a comfortable weight on Ben’s shoulders and Ben slowly pulls himself back together. His breathing is a conscious thought-out thing but is no longer taken in half-gasps that burn as he tries to force them.  

“I think so. I’m sorry.” Of the three of them he shouldn’t be the one getting overwhelmed by a tavern. He’s been in them before. So many times when he was younger, with both his parents and uncle, as a groups and individually. He knows what they are like. And yet it had been too much.

“No, it’s fine,” Rey says. “Did you see someone or-?”

“No, I-“ He doesn’t really know how to explain it. ‘Too much’ isn’t really reason enough to result in such a reaction. But he doesn’t know how else to justify his response because that was it. It was too much too soon after everything else. He is saved from having to explain it when he father comes back with a small woman hurrying towards them. It takes his brain a moment to remember who she is: Maz Kanata.

She is in front of him soon enough, taking his hands into her own and staring up at him. “Oh my boy, it is good to know you’re safe,” she says although her gaze seems to bore deep into his eyes. He breaks it first, looking up at his father instead.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I should have thought before I brought you here. Should of left you with the Falcon and Chewie.”

He doesn’t know how to reply to that. Doesn’t know if he would rather be with his uncle and his father’s ship or here, actually knowing what is going to happen next. Whether he would rather security or information.

“Do we have to go back in there?” Finn asks and while Ben is sure part of the reason for it is him and his reaction, it is equally because of Finn’s own anxieties about the place. At least he’s not alone in feeling uncomfortable about it. Still.

“I’ll be fine. I just- I didn’t expect it. I’ll be fine.” He doesn’t actually know if he will be or not but he has to be. He can’t start running away just because something made him scared. If he did that he would have never left the room. No. He can and will do this.

“I’ll take you to one of the booths in the back. It won’t be completely silent but you won’t be in the centre of it all either,” Maz says, and that is accepted as a compromise.

Walking in the second time the room seems quieter and he realises it’s because there are those still watching them. Some out of the corner of their eyes. Others openly. Ben can’t help but try and shrink into his father’s jacket. Can’t help but be grateful for the fact he is framed on every side: his father and Finn on his left and right; Rey behind with BB-8 trailing; and Maz in front, leading them quickly to the booth. As they walk through she gestures to one of the servers, a Twi’lek, who nods and disappears into the kitchen.

She is right in the fact that the booth is not completely quiet but it is secluded. Those that want to see them have to physical move and even then the structure of the building makes it hard to have a clear line of sight. Ben still finds himself slouching in his chair to try and make himself less noticeable. He realises nobody seems to care about his suddenly terrible posture. Hux would have.

The Twi’lek server brings over a plate of various fruits that Maz places on the centre of the table.

“What’s this?” Han asks, and Ben knows his father is going to protest having to pay for something he hadn’t even ordered. At least if he’s the same as Ben remembers he will.

“On the house,” Maz says cutting off the rest of Han’s protests. “You’re probably hungry after your journey.”

Ben has a feeling the words are being more aimed at his and Rey’s side of the table than his father and Finn’s. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Rey staring at the plate in amazement. He looks across the table and sees Finn similarly watching it.

“Is this for us?” Rey asks sounding so in awe.

“Yes, of course! Eat! I have some business to finish up. I unfortunately cannot drop everything merely because Han Solo and his son show up at my door,” Maz says with a pointed look at Han that tells Ben how many times his father has shown up expecting her immediate help. “I won’t be long but until then enjoy.”

She leaves but none of them reach out to grab anything. Ben hadn’t been without fruit in the last 15 years but there are things on the plate that he hasn’t seen since childhood. The First Order doesn’t have the same connections as someone like Maz. While Hux ensured he had access to the best possible foods variety wasn’t always a part of it.

“Go on then, she told you to eat it,” Han says and Ben notices his father isn’t reaching for the food either. Likely waiting for them to start. They are all waiting for someone else to start. 

As much as he doesn’t really feel hungry he reaches forward to take a piece of jybbuk fruit. Peeling it easily he places a piece of its flesh in his mouth, handing a second one over to Rey. “Here, try this.”

She looks nervous at. Ben realises how foreign fruit likely is to her. Jakku didn’t seem the sort of place that could grow much in terms of fruit, and the scavenging outpost certainly didn’t seem to be of a size required to have regular shipments of it in.

She places the piece into her mouth and he watches her expression turn to delight as it bursts, the juice filling her mouth causing her to laugh. “It’s so sweet!” She says grinning, hand reaching out to grab another jybbuk fruit. She peels it carefully before placing another part of the fruit into her mouth, laughing again at the taste.

It seems to be the trigger and Finn too is reaching towards the plate to grab a fruit of his own. He doesn’t react as much as Rey but Ben can see the pleasure in his eyes at the taste of it. He realises that while he had access to fruit over the past 15 years Stormtroopers likely didn’t.

He realises this is possibly the first time either of them had fruit in their lives.

His father too reaches forward to take a fruit of his own and Ben keeps slowly working on the jybbuk fruit he chose as he watches the other two joyfully try every fruit on the plate ending up slightly messy from the juices they don’t know how to keep within their mouths. He honestly doesn’t know how either of them can be able to eat as much as they are even after everything. He is struggling to finish the remaining three pieces of his own.

Rey suddenly stops and he wonders if she has finally reached the point where her stomach can no longer handle any more food. He worries she’s going to end up throwing up what she has already eaten. He hopes she won’t – it wouldn’t be fair for her first taste of it to end up unpleasant. Instead she just seems to stare down at the fruit in her hand as if confused by its very existence. “I know this. I’ve eaten this before it’s… familiar.”

He cannot help but peer over at what fruit it is she’s talking about and he sees his father do the same. His heart clenches when he recognises it. Hanava. Luke’s favourite. And one of the first pieces of solid food Rey Skywalker had ever eaten in her life because of Han going out of his way to get it for Luke – although Ben remembers she had worn it more than she had eaten it.

Another coincidence that seems designed to torment him. To make him have hope that his sister had survived. That this is her, sitting next to him at a table.

He stifles it down and focuses on the nicer parts of the meal. Focuses on watching his friends enjoy something that should never have been denied to them for so long.

It is easy to forget everything apart from the moment. Easy to forget that Hux is likely looking for them. Easy to forget that Luke has still vanished from the galaxy. Easy to forget everything but the look of joy on Rey and Finn’s faces as they try the various fruits. Finn making false sounding statements of how, despite all his travels with the Resistance, he had never come across this or that fruit. The fact that Rey knows next to nothing about fruit herself being the only reason he isn’t caught out because he’s talking about a fruit that can be found on nearly every planet. His father clearly finding the whole thing funny.

When Maz returns they’re all reminded of the reality of the situation.

“So why have you come to me?” she asks, handing out cups of when Ben assumes is tea to them all.

“We have a map to Luke Skywalker,” Rey says as she picks up another piece of fruit from the now diminished plate.

“A map to Skywalker himself? You’re right back in the mess,” Maz says to his father with a grin.

“Maz, I need to get this droid and Ben to Leia.”

“So you are joining the fight.”

“No. I just need to see Ben home then, I don’t know, I’ll figure it out as I always do,” Han says. Ben doesn’t know what he wants his father to do. In an ideal galaxy he wants his family back. Wants to have Luke and Rey and Chewie and his mother and father and him all together again. It isn’t a perfect galaxy though. Rey Skywalker is dead and Luke is missing.

“What fight?” Rey asks, a jogan fruit in her hand.

“The only fight: against the dark side. Through the ages, I’ve seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy. We must face them. Fight them. All of us,” Maz says and Ben watches Finn shift uncomfortably on the other side of the table. He understands that Finn doesn’t want to be a part of the fight. If he’s perfectly honest he doesn’t know if he wants to be either. He doesn’t want Hux and Snoke to gain control of the galaxy though. Doesn’t want to abandon whatever is left of his family to fight them alone.

After a moment it apparently gets too much for Finn to take. “There is no fight against the First Order! Not one we can win. Look around. There’s no chance we haven’t been recognised already. I bet you the First Order is on their way—“ Maz starts adjusting her goggles and Finn stops clearly unnerved by what she is doing.

“What’s this? What are you doing?” Finn asks as Maz starts climbing onto the table to get closer to him, knocking the tray of cups to the floor. “Solo, what is she doing?”

“I don’t know, but it ain’t good,” Han says and Ben starts to feel the anxiety peak in him again. He’s pretty sure he can trust Maz but he still can’t help but worry about the danger she might hold. Worry that Finn might get hurt.

“If you live long enough you see the same eyes in different people. I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run,” Maz says and Ben knows she is right. He knows Finn is brave but he also knows he is scared. Knows he has good reason to be scared. He’s scared as well, but he has to return to whatever is left of his family. Finn doesn’t have a family. It is safer for him to get out now.

“You don’t know a thing about me. Where I’m from. What I’ve seen. You don’t know the First Order like I do. They’ll slaughter us.”

“Not me,” Ben corrects without really realising. It gains him the attention of the table and he knows he has to explain. “Hux won’t let me die. Not even if I wanted to.”

He had wanted to at times. Especially at the start. When the fear of pregnancy was more real. When he still had the strength he had gained training to be a Jedi. He had considered it worthwhile. Decided he would rather die than have to bear a child for the enemy.  Would rather he die than give Snoke a weapon that could one day be used against his family. Be used to destroy the Galaxy.

Hux hadn’t allowed him. Had refused him any opportunity that might allow him to end his own life. Anything sharp enough to open his skin had been removed from the room unless Hux was there to supervise him. All the medications given to him had been controlled by Hux or the med-droid. When Ben had tried to stave himself Hux had added a nutrition drip.

Hux wants him alive still and therefore unless by legitimate accident he will not die under any order given by Hux. No, instead he will just be recaptured and have to face whatever punishment it is that Hux comes up for his disobedience.

It earns him a sympathetic look from all at the table but Finn continues. “We all need to run.”

Rey is apparently unable to come up with a response to it. Which makes sense, as far as she is aware Finn is Resistance. It probably seems a sudden change of heart to her. Her brain taking a moment to process it. To Ben it makes sense though. Han and Maz don’t seem that surprised by it, and Maz makes her way back to her chair before pointing to two beings in a different corner of the room.

“You see those two? They’ll trade work for transportation to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear.” Finn seems to consider it, and Ben tries to imagine him as one of the smugglers and pirates that live in the Outer Rim. Even with his father and uncle having been shaped by the place he can’t see Finn fitting in there. Too nice. Too helpful. Ben knows he isn’t stupid but he still can’t help but fear him being taken advantage of.

Many disappear into the Outer Rim. Most to an unmarked grave.

“Finn!” Rey protests.

“Come with me,” Finn says to her before glancing over to Ben, “you too.”

Ben shakes his head. Most omegas in the Out Rim disappear into warlords’ harems. And anyway, “I have to go to my mother.”

Finn gives him a small nod before Rey demands his attention again. “What about BB-8? We’re not done yet. We have to get him back to your base. What about Ben?”

“I can’t,” Finn says although he looks honestly torn about it.

“I’ll look after them,” Han says, apparently silently understanding Finn’s need to get away. Ben remembers his father had a similar habit of wanting to run as far away from danger and Galaxy-wide conflict as possible. He supposes he has joined his mother and uncle in forcing Han to stay and fight to protect those he cares about. Without him Han would have likely agreed with Finn’s decision and asked to join him on it.

When Finn offers Han the blaster he waves him off. “Keep it kid.”

Finn nods and stands to head over to the two on the other side of the bar. A few seconds later Rey is up and following him. Ben has a feeling it’s not to take up his suggestion for her to join him.

“Who’s the girl?” Maz asks watching the both of them closely.

A ghost. Ben wants to say but he doesn’t. As much as she feels like an echo of Rey Skywalker, made to taunt him for his failure to prevent what happened nor protect her that night, she is still her own person. Is still a person and not just a spectre designed to haunt.

“Someone they picked up on Jakku,” Han replies.

“Is that all?” Maz asks.

“She also knows her way around a ship pretty well. What are you getting at?”

“You know what I’m getting at Han Solo,” Maz says staring at Han intently.

“Well if you are then you’re wrong. Rey Skywalker is dead. If I could go back and save her I would. I can’t though. And there’s no use thinkin’ every woman that looks like her is her somehow alive and on a scavenger camp.”

“You did never find her body,” Maz says, picking up a piece of Oomish fruit to eat.

“Luke probably buried her.” It is a terrible image his mind conjures up at his father’s words. Luke burying the small broken body of his daughter after every other part of his life had been ruined. He hadn’t thought about it all those years he had been captured. Hadn’t thought about what would happen to his sister’s body when their family found her. The knowledge of her death alone had been enough for him. He can’t imagine what seeing her body must have been like.

“Excuse me,” Ben says, getting up from the table. He doesn’t really want to walk back into the main rabble of the bar but he doesn’t think he can bare the conversation any longer.

“Ben,” his father says, but he shakes his head.

“I’ll be alright.” He is aware of how dangerous bars can be, but doesn’t plan on going too far away or interacting with anyone. Just having a moment to himself despite the crowd of people surrounding him.

He makes his way over to where Rey is only to catch Finn leaving the building. Rey looks heartbroken at it and he understands the feeling. Feels it himself as he watches the doors close behind a person he now considers a friend. He also knows that this isn’t a choice they can make for Finn. If Finn wants to leave then they must respect his want to do so.

“You okay?” he asks when Rey finally turns her attention from the door and onto him.

“He was a Stormtrooper,” she says frowning.

“I know.”

“How?” she goes to ask but catches herself. “Right, when they rescued you. Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“He didn’t want to be a Stormtrooper anymore. I thought he wanted to be a Rebel.” As far as he was aware there wasn’t really much criteria for being in the Rebellion nor Resistance. Just a want to not allow evil to conquer the galaxy. He understands the reasons why Finn wants to run as well though. If it wasn’t for his family Ben would likely have been joining him. He wants to get far away from Hux and the First Order as well.

“He’s leaving though.”

“I know.” Despite the fact he knows the reasons for Finn’s choice it still feels wrong. Feels like too many things have been left open and unanswered. “We should go back.”

Rey nods although it doesn’t seem like she is much listening to him. She starts to walk off and he figures she is heading back towards the table. He knows he should return as well but cannot seem to stop staring at the doors to the outside. Cannot help but miss Finn already.


	12. Brief Rey Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I thought there were more parts to this then there actually was. Also the first location WAS NOT where I thought it was (seriously go look up the script) so that ruined my original plan for it but honestly I’m not mad. 
> 
> So I was super scared of writing this chapter because it’s so based on visual and I tend to live in emotions in my writing… hopefully I did it justice.

There is something that draws her to the box.

In a room full of wonders and treasures, things she has never seen before in her life, the single, almost plain, box is all she can focus on. Something about it that seems almost achingly familiar despite the fact she cannot place where it is from. The same feeling she gets when she looks at Ben and Han and the Falcon – an insistent idea in the back of her mind that she knows them from somewhere she just needs to remember.

Still she approaches cautiously. She has learned in life that things with seductive allures tend to have lethal edges to them.

There’s a part of her that wants to run. Feels like the box can bring her nothing good. There’s another part of her that feels like it holds all the answers she so desperately wants.

She reaches out to it. Her hand steady despite the raging conflict inside her about whether or not this is a good idea or if it will spell her doom.

She feels almost as if the box will shock her when she touches it. She doesn’t know why but she feels like it holds some energy that will be unleashed at contact. When skin meets it and nothing happens she lets out a sigh before carefully opens the box.

It takes her a moment to recognise what is in the box. She has never seen one in her life but what it is still feels obvious to her in that weird familiar way. A lightsaber. Bundled in clothe and cradled in centre of the box.

She knows she should leave now. If it truly is a lightsaber the value of it is beyond measure. She assumes it’s Maz’s and doesn’t want to offend the woman who has given them nothing but hospitality. Doesn’t want to risk not getting BB-8 and Ben back to the Resistance base just because of some idle curiosity.

Yet still the lightsaber draws to her and she cannot stop herself from reaching forward. She isn’t going to grab it just touch it. That’s all.

There’s a sound behind like some weapon igniting and she shoots to her feet. Ready to try and explain that she hadn’t meant to touch it. That she was going to put it back and just leave the room and forget all about it.

She realises she isn’t in Maz’s castle anymore.

The hallway she is in is metal. The closest thing she can liken it to is the halls of the ships she scavenged from. But even then there is something different about it.

She doesn’t get a chance to pinpoint what it is before the place is suddenly shifting. The floor beneath her falling away and she stumbles, trying to maintain her balance only to fall hard against the wall.

She braces against it to push herself back off only to feel gravel digging into her hand.

She doesn’t even get a chance to orientate herself before she notices a man and a droid only a meter away from her. The terrible fire in the background hardly noticeable to her when compared to him. He is cloaked but she can see a metal hand reaching out towards the droid and a pang of familiarity hits through her again and she finds herself wanting to reach out to him.

She doesn’t get a chance to before her surroundings are changed again. The feeling of death and grief rising into her even before she can orientate herself into her new location.

She is in a small house and walks to the doorway only to freeze when she looks out to a sea of bodies and clouds of white armoured Stormtroopers. People, mostly children, dead and she finds herself locked in place with an oddly familiar terror gripping her tight.

There is a fight still going on in the middle of it and she quickly recognises the sole person left standing against the Stormtroopers. He is younger, something clear in both his body and face, and there isn’t the same sadness in his eyes – instead a look of enraged grief. But it is Ben. In thick robes and with a lightsaber in his hand deflecting the blasterbolts being shot his way.

There is a shout that she doesn’t quiet catch the words of and the shots stop leaving Ben watching the Stormtroopers with cautious eyes.

He misses the one sneaking up behind him.

The electrorod finds his the back of his ribs and his body freezes as the volts shoot through him before going into free-fall.

“Ben!” she yells rushing forward towards him. She has to help him even if she doesn’t know how.

She catches his eyes as he falls and she watches terror move through them as if he can see her. As if he is worried about her. She swears she see her name catch on his lips before he collapses into the arms of one of the Stormtroopers who is quick to adjust him so he is merely a lump of weight instead of the awkward limbs of his collapsed body.

And then she realises the guns are trained on her.

And she is weaponless.

She takes a step back as the Stormtroopers part for a man walking through – a moving figure of black through the white.

The next thing she knows she is squinting from the sunlight in her eyes and hears the sound of a crying child behind her.

She turns to see herself. Younger. So much younger. And being held back by Unkar as she cries and screams for her family. She remembers crying and screaming for her family. Remembers it nearly every day and reminds herself that they are coming back for her despite the fact her memories of them have faded so she couldn’t even recognise their faces even if all the years didn’t change them at all.

She still finds herself instinctively turning around to watch the ship fade into the distance. The memory hasn’t been this clear in years and maybe, just maybe, she might be able to recognise it’s make and model and have some lead of where they might be and how long until they come back.

She watches it disappear into the sun just like she does every other time she thinks back on the day. A moment that has been repeated in her mind so many times as though she will suddenly gain new meaning if she replays it enough.

The sun never used to turn red.

Nor did Jakku ever feel this cold.

The forest around her is covered by a layer of white and she feels panic once again surging in her. Panic causing her to run because what other option does she have?

She doesn’t get far until a figure stands in her path. One clad in black with a flaming red weapon in his hand. His sudden appearance making her stumble backwards and fall.

She hits the ground and braces to roll out of the way of whatever attack will follow only to realise she is not in the forest anymore. Nor is she in the hallway nor house nor Jakku.

No. She is back at Maz’s castle. Back into reality.

The weight of all the emotions so closely felt feel suffocating and overwhelming. Make her feel worn and exposed despite having not actually moved even a meter. The images of it all burned into her mind despite her lacking the context to make sense of most of them. The context to understand why her heart aches so much.


	13. Power Blinds Without the Serenity to See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title based off a line in the Grey Jedi Code. 
> 
> Also I know I’m not 100% quoting Obi Wan right, it’s because it’s a memory of a second-hand account of another memory… honestly it’s unbelievable that it’s as accurate as I have it. 
> 
> The comment comparing Finn to what Han used to be like isn’t actually a judgement on Finn that much but rather a comment about how, in that moment, he is behaving very similar to how Han would. I am aware that they’re pretty different characters. 
> 
> Little on the short side but I had to end it where I end it.

Ben doesn’t realise how long he has been standing there until Rey returns. The panic and terror clear in her movement likely the only thing that drags him from watching the closed doors as if they hold the answers to the questions he has. 

She all but runs into him in her panic and when he goes to stop her she grips him tight, tears gathering in her eyes.

“What happened?” he asks, fearing some sort of horror. He knows how strong Rey is, had seen it nearly every moment since he met her. For something to make her reach this level of terror it must have been bad. Really bad for it to cause her to look even more panicked than she had when Finn had been taken by the Rathtars and they were running for their lives. 

“I can’t-“ she babbles, “I can’t take it.”

“Take what?” He tries to make sense of what she is saying but cannot. Feels like he is lacking a piece of information that will explain what happened to her.

Still he tries his best to comfort Rey. She deserves it after everything she has done to help him. Deserves so much more in repayment that he cannot give. 

It takes a couple of seconds but Rey manages to somewhat focus on him instead of whatever it is that has caused her to panic. Although her gaze turns questioning. As if he will somehow hold the answers to some question she has.

“You said you knew Luke Skywalker didn’t you?” She asks and Ben finds his own heart stop beating. “And you said you had the Force?”

“Yes,” he manages to say despite his mouth feeling terribly try. He doesn’t know what has led her to suddenly be questioning about his uncle and the Force. Doesn’t know what it might have to do with whatever it is that has made her so scared.

 A part of him cannot help but hope it is confirmation of the idea that his mind will not abandon no matter how much he wishes it so. That Rey has found something out that will prove that she is Luke’s daughter. That she is his cousins. His sister.

 He refuses to allow the hope of it to come over him.

It isn’t good for either of them.

It’s not healthy for him to dwell on the past, believing that somehow what happened didn’t happen. That the tragedy wasn’t as bad as it was. It would be terrible to her if she ever found out. Terrible to know that she is nothing more than a constant reminder to those around her of a girl long dead.

So he pushes it all down and tries to focus on whatever her next question will be. Hoping that he can give her the answer and comfort despite still having no idea how Luke and the Force relates to her distress.

“How did you bare it?” she asks and no matter how he tries he doesn’t understand. How did he bare what? There were so many things it could be referring to. The Force itself and the terrors that come with its wonders but also what happened. Losing it and his family to the hands of Hux and the First Order.

“Bare what?”

“The visions,” she says and any attention Ben didn’t already have focused on her is now honed. He finds himself suddenly terrified and hopeful. Force Visions are more often than not both. As he well knows. Or at least used to know.

For her to have seen something now likely means something big is about to happen. Or maybe it is something that won’t affect anything for many years. The visions as baffling as they are helpful at times. 

“Rey what did you see?”

“I-“ Rey starts but shakes her head. “I’m can’t. I’m sorry. I have to go.”

“Rey, tell me please.” She needs to tell him. Although he knows he will likely have as good of a chance at figuring out what they mean as she does. Sure he might have had them himself in the past but that was long ago. Years separating any experience and knowledge he had about them and now. Years making any sense he might have about their meanings dull.

“I’m sorry,” she says again as she pulls away. “I can’t face it again.”

“Face what? Rey!”

She is running again ever as he says the words.

Running away from him and towards the main entrance.

He runs after her despite knowing how futile it is. She is faster than him and has more stamina. She will outrun him if she wants to.

Despite that he cannot lose her. Not again. She might not be the sister from his childhood but the hurt of watching her go is just as bad as it was back then. The hurt of losing Poe and Finn and Rey much the same as losing his family all those years ago. Making him feel so terribly alone in the galaxy.

He runs after her until they are both in the forest. Until the hard concrete gives way to grass and underbrush. The trees thick and disorientating.

He knows better than to keep going.

Without the Force, and years since he had last been in an environment that is not a room, he will get lost. Without something to guide him the woods will only spell his doom. And that is before he considers the actual dangers that lurk in there. Maz might be kind and generous but not all her patrons likely are. There are bad people in the galaxy. Hux isn’t alone in that fact.

The fact that Rey is out there alone herself is a terrifying thought. He reminds himself that she is strong and competent. Anyone would have to be to survive on a place like Jakku from what he saw of it. She can take care of herself.

He needs to return to his father.

His father will likely be stressed if he has realised that Ben has left the tavern. Only having just gotten his son back and seeming to have lost him already. Ben should have at least tried to send him some message about the fact he was going to chase after Rey before he did so but he hadn’t even thought about it at the time. Merely that Rey had had some vision and was now scared out of her wits. Merely that he had to help her despite the fact he is poor in experience as to how.

And now he stands on the precipice between nature and civilisation. Alone in the vastness of it all.

He needs to go back and find his father. Find his father so he can return to his mother and try and figure out how his family works after all the time that has passed. How it works without Luke and Rey. How it works after he has been gone for so long.

He turns and starts to walk back towards the castle that is Maz’s. Walks past the ships parked around it – various beings moving around either heading towards the castle or back to their ships. Some in a hurry and others lazily, but all at their own pace.

Everything here works at its own pace. There is no higher power governing where anyone must be at any time, just their own responsibilities and wants. Not like before where everything seemed to work by Hux’s clock.

Ben knows he should return to his father but he also knows he doesn’t have to. Knows he is under no obligations to apart from familial longings. The need to see his mother again. The need to see how bad the damage is.

Still he finds himself feeling almost drunk on the feeling of freedom. Something dangerous, he knows. The places that feel free are often the most dangerous.

Many use freedom to cause others harm.

Then again Hux used control to do the same thing.

It is the space that is letting his thoughts wander like this Ben realises and realises he needs to go back to his father that bit more. Go back before his mind turns to more painful matters.

He only makes it partly back before he gets distracted again. This time from one of the beings moving towards the ships parked around the Castle.

Finn.

Ben knows he should leave him be. Finn made up his mind. Ben going over will likely only make him feel guilty. It is better for them to go their separate ways. Safer for Finn to not be involved with Ben or his family or the Resistance.

He should leave Finn to his choice and return to Han and what is left of his family.

He walks over.

He justifies it by his feelings that the previous goodbye was lacking. That he feels he could do better. He never got the chance to say goodbye to Luke, or Poe, or Rey. But he can say goodbye to Finn. Can make this one count.

“Ben?” Finn looks confused as to the fact that Ben is there and Ben suddenly regrets his decision to come over. He should have just left it as is. Should have just returned to his father. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to say goodbye.” He feels stupid and immature. Making it harder for Finn to have a clean break just because of his own need for closure. “Ridiculous, I know.”

“No, uh,” Finn glances back at the two aliens who he is going to travel with and they wave him off while continuing to pack the ship. Ben wonders what it must look like to them – a needy omega not being able to get the message that the alpha they picked wasn’t interested.

They walk away a bit, close enough that Finn can keep track of the ship but far enough away that they won’t be overheard. Not that either of them really could say anything that needs to be not overheard. Neither of them holding secrets about each other or the galaxy that matter that much. They’ve known each other for too short. Have both been cut off from the greater galaxy for too long.

“I’m sorry,” Finn says and it wasn’t what Ben wanted. He gets it. He does. He knows that if things were only slightly different he would be following Finn into the Outer Rim and away from everything. If they hadn’t of met his father. If they weren’t heading towards his mother. Small things. But ones that change everything nonetheless.

“Don’t be. It’s okay. I understand.”

“Still…” Finn says but he doesn’t seem to have any words to follow. Ben shouldn’t have come over. No possible closure is worth the painful awkwardness of it all.

“I just wanted to say goodbye.” Not put any pressure on Finn to stay nor any guilt for leaving. Just goodbye. “And good luck. You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” Finn says and they are about to part ways before the pain shoots through Ben.

It’s not physical pain but emotional. The feeling of terror gripping him so tightly that he cannot breathe.

He looks around for an explanation and finds it in the sky. A bright red light passing over that makes him want to vomit.

He remembers a story his mother and uncle told him long ago. It wasn’t one of the stories they liked to tell about their adventures in the Rebellion and the war. In fact they only told him it once. When he was old enough to understand death and the rumours of someone trying to resurrect the Empire too great to ignore. A grave story, one to make him understand why his family was the way it was and what they were fighting to prevent.

A story of the Death Star and the death of Alderaan.

He had asked them what it felt like in the Force – a destruction of that scale and magnitude. A macabre question he knew even back then, but he had still been too young to fully understand when wasn’t the time for such questions.

Neither his mother or uncle understood their powers well enough at the time to really comprehend what they were feeling. His mother said she thought the grief she felt merely her own. His uncle said he didn’t know what it was but his teacher had been with him at the time and said it was like feeling a million voices suddenly crying out in terror and then being silenced.

Ben finds himself understanding the voices crying out in terror. He has a feeling he’s about to understand the silence.

A glance over to Finn confirms that he too is watching the lights with terror. That he too can feel what Ben can feel.

Rey apparently isn’t the only one with some connection to the Force. And Ben’s connection isn’t as permanently severed as believed.

Neither of those thoughts are comforting when compared with the horror of the event he is witnessing. The knowledge that millions are going to die and there is nothing that can be done to stop it dwindles even the excitement of having some connection to his family’s legacy returned.

Ben cannot help but close his eyes as the silence hits. Not even the sounds of the forest around them can seem to break it. He closes his eyes in mourning of all those dead. Innocent and guilty alike.

He closes his eyes because if the stories his family told him are accurate there are many more to come.

“What was that?” Finn asks although Ben has a feeling it isn’t aimed at him. More just a question generally. Asking the galaxy what all that pain could be.

“Something terrible. You felt it though? The panic?” He has to get confirmation. Has to make sure it isn’t just him projection onto Finn. Him wanting to have a reason for why Finn can’t leave. Or perhaps so he isn’t so alone in the galaxy with his powers.

“Yes. I… It was the First Order,” Finn says, the rest of the world coming into focus again for them both now that the silence has settled. A few moments after the death and the feeling of it is completely gone. As if it has been years since it happened. A moment then nothing.

Ben doesn’t know what to say. He has little doubt that it is the First Order that caused it. Not that he can truly know for certain considering Hux never much told him about the First Orders plans in any grand way. Just his daily issues of dealing with underlings. As far as Ben is aware there might be another galactic power that caused it. It feels more likely to be the First Order’s doing though. Perhaps though that is the Force telling him so.

He doesn’t get a chance to say anything before another sound fills their ears. Ships. A lot of them. Looking up at the sky reveals they are all from the First Order.

Hux has caught up to them once again.

“You need to hide.” He barely hears Finn’s words over the terror that grips him from the sight of the ships. The knowledge that Hux managed to find him even after they got off Jakku. The fear that he will never truly escape him.

“What?”

“They’re here for you and BB-8. You need to hide,” Finn repeats. “Now.”

“What about you?” Hux might not have the same level of interest in Finn as he does Ben but Finn just as much wanted to get away from them. Finn is in just as much danger if they find him as Ben is. A different kind of danger but the same level – he will just as certainly be killed as Ben will be captured.

“I’m going to find the others,” Finn says and Ben is once again reminded of the stories his mother and uncle told about his father: a fleeing coward until someone he cared about was in danger.

“Quickly, hide,” Finn repeats and Ben is reminded of his place in this narrative. His role currently is to run and hide while the others fight to protect him. The idea leaves a bad taste in his mouth but he is currently a damsel that needs to be hidden and protected.

As much as it pains him he runs towards the denser parts of the forest while Finn runs towards the castle and the battle that rages around it.  

Ben hides in the underbrush. His hand instinctually going to the blaster his father gave him as his mind tries to dig up the old memories of his lessons about it. Tries to remember how to use it again. Remember the ease he eventually got after years of his parents’ tutelage.

As cowardly as it is he hopes he isn’t found.

He hates himself for that fact but he knows he wouldn’t stand a chance in a fight. Would only end up dead or recaptured. His only chance at freedom stolen back from him.

He has to stay hidden to keep that freedom.

So he does. As painful as it and contrary to everything that was instilled into him as a child he does.

He hopes the others make it out okay.


End file.
